Sunday, January 3, 2010

Battling Ennui

Well, I thought the term "ennui" was the best fit to describe how I feel. When I looked up the definition online, I knew it was a perfect match ... the Encarta dictionary defines ennui as: boredom from lack of interest: weariness and dissatisfaction with life that results from a loss of interest or sense of excitement.

Too much time on my hands? Too few things to do at home that can't be put off (I'm great at procrastinating)? Too much time alone? Sad my wife's not here at home with me? Concerned about the changes in progress for us and our lives? Feeling uncertain about how the first few weeks with Skip at home will be?

Yes to all of the above.

I am bored, weary and dissatisfied. I think I need to be back working 5 days a week with Skip here at home needing lots of time and attention. I think I need the uncertainty of our new routines and life solved so I understand our new rhythms and the demands that will be placed on me.

When all that's in place, I'll be cranky at times, but I won't be full of ennui.


awb said...

Funny thing, dictionaries. It's full of words, but you need to be a speller to find them! I find myself in a similar, but opposite position from you. As the care givee, I am trying to decide if I want to put my wife through what quickly approaches. I have to think her life would be easier if I was someplace else? I think that is one of them there conundrums?


Herrad said...

Hi Cranky,
Hope Skip is home very soon and your new routine is quickly in place.
Keep warm and well til Skip is home.

jamie (aka afro) said...

sorry to hear that.
but there's gotta be something you can do to feel less "ennui"... maybe volunteer for the local aids organisation.=? seeing people who're in a harder up position that yours really helps to put things into perspective.

your devotion to your wife is quite admirable, however you might make time for yourself as well. you don't want to suffer from a full blown case of "helpers fatigue"...

have a great week

Cranky said...

Andy - I think your wife would rather have you home and play the role of caregiver than the alternative. Even with all the work involved in caring for Skip, I'd rather have her here.

Herrad - We should still be on track for the 14th as her discharge date. I hope we burn in those new routines quickly!

Jamie - smart ideas. I think my main problem of too much time on my hands is about to be solved this morning, though, with a full week about to start. I do agree that it is very easy to get burned out as a caregiver. It happens to me periodically.