Today is our 5th wedding anniversary. As I wrote in this post, Skip and I had a civil union ceremony in Vermont in 2001 which proved to be a wonderful time for us, with lots of love and support from family and friends. When we were finally able to marry in Massachusetts, we opted for something small and simple.
We had a few of my family here for the afternoon. My parents, both siblings (brother and sister) and my brother's son. It was nice that the son could attend since he was on a school trip to Europe when we had our civil union, so wasn't in Vermont with us. Also with us for the occasion was a photographer who had taken pictures of us in two prior sittings over the last 15 years. She had been trying to publish a book of photos of gay couples and we had agreed to be subjects way back in the early 90s. She'd come again about 10 years later to do follow-up shots. She hadn't managed to find a publisher and was now looking into switching the book's focus to same-sex marriages. She came and took lots of photos of the event ... it was like having a professional photographer for free! (Still no book, though.)
Our minister took the vows she wrote with us for the civil union and amended them slightly for the situation. We sat in a little cluster of 3 chairs in the living room, our small group of guests around us. My parents cried! I love how supportive they are of me. Actually, I think everyone cried. When we finished the ceremony, our minister signed the marriage license and it was done. This was the first marriage license she'd signed in over a year as she stopped signing them for heterosexual couples until gay couples could legally marry. We felt quite honored that she ended her boycott with us. (She still performed weddings but the couples had to have another party sign the marriage license.)
We had a bit of cake and enjoyed the company of our small group. Opened a bottle of champagne as well. Our relationship the day before was just as committed and binding in our hearts and minds as it was following our marriage on May 20th. But, we were happy and excited that our state had chosen to give our relationship full legal recognition.
Oh, and I was able to add Skip to my dental plan at work, too. My employer did not offer domestic partner coverage, but with the change in the law here in Massachusetts, they opened up medical and dental coverage for same sex spouses.
Showing posts with label Anniversaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anniversaries. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Day We Applied for a Marriage License
Today in Massachusetts many are celebrating the day 5 years ago when same-sex marriages became legal. On a personal level, this is the 5th anniversary of when we applied for a marriage license. We married 3 days later, after the waiting period expired.
Six months before May 17th, the state supreme court handed down the decision that gays could legally marry here in Massachusetts and gave the state 180 days to get its act together and prepare for the change. Our Governor, Mitt Romney (whose wife, coincidentally, has MS), fought tooth and nail from thereon to halt this change. There were other attempts from other quarters to stop it. They all failed.
Since I'd convinced Skip to "civil union" me in 2001, it was a foregone conclusion that we'd marry. I tracked the developments closely, selfishly, glad the decision from the supreme court seemed impossible for the naysayers to overturn. As the day approached, it seemed more and more likely that we'd actually be able to marry. But, first, we needed to get a marriage license.
At the time, we were pretty active in the local Unitarian congregation. Unitarians are Protestants, way out on the left fringe and typically have congregations filled with liberals. Our congregation was a typical Unitarian one. We also had a lot of lesbian couples. Many of us planned to get married after the law changed. The minister and some members of the congregation decided to have a little celebration and join those of us applying for licenses by coming with us to the town hall, which happened to be across the street from the church.
We all gathered at the church in the morning for breakfast and a little party. The minister gave roses to the couples who were getting hitched and spoke a few happy words (she loves rituals). Shortly after 9am (when town hall opened), we trooped en masse, straight and gay alike, across the street and descended on town hall. With about 5 lesbian couples and a straight couple already there to apply plus our entourage of supporters, we filled up the small clerk's office.
We took photos, filled out paperwork, smiled broadly and generally had a great time. In about an hour's time, Skip and I had completed our paperwork, paid the small fee and were ready to get hitched 3 days later.
When our minister told us she'd planned the license application event, I thought it was a bit "over the top" and unnecessary. It would have been just fine for Skip and me to head over to the clerk's office and apply for the license as just the two of us. Turned out, it was so much more fun and festive to have the congenial company and support of our fellow Unitarians.
Six months before May 17th, the state supreme court handed down the decision that gays could legally marry here in Massachusetts and gave the state 180 days to get its act together and prepare for the change. Our Governor, Mitt Romney (whose wife, coincidentally, has MS), fought tooth and nail from thereon to halt this change. There were other attempts from other quarters to stop it. They all failed.
Since I'd convinced Skip to "civil union" me in 2001, it was a foregone conclusion that we'd marry. I tracked the developments closely, selfishly, glad the decision from the supreme court seemed impossible for the naysayers to overturn. As the day approached, it seemed more and more likely that we'd actually be able to marry. But, first, we needed to get a marriage license.
At the time, we were pretty active in the local Unitarian congregation. Unitarians are Protestants, way out on the left fringe and typically have congregations filled with liberals. Our congregation was a typical Unitarian one. We also had a lot of lesbian couples. Many of us planned to get married after the law changed. The minister and some members of the congregation decided to have a little celebration and join those of us applying for licenses by coming with us to the town hall, which happened to be across the street from the church.
We all gathered at the church in the morning for breakfast and a little party. The minister gave roses to the couples who were getting hitched and spoke a few happy words (she loves rituals). Shortly after 9am (when town hall opened), we trooped en masse, straight and gay alike, across the street and descended on town hall. With about 5 lesbian couples and a straight couple already there to apply plus our entourage of supporters, we filled up the small clerk's office.
We took photos, filled out paperwork, smiled broadly and generally had a great time. In about an hour's time, Skip and I had completed our paperwork, paid the small fee and were ready to get hitched 3 days later.
When our minister told us she'd planned the license application event, I thought it was a bit "over the top" and unnecessary. It would have been just fine for Skip and me to head over to the clerk's office and apply for the license as just the two of us. Turned out, it was so much more fun and festive to have the congenial company and support of our fellow Unitarians.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Civil Union Anniversary
Today is the 8th anniversary of our civil union in Vermont in 2001, one of 3 anniversaries we celebrate.
I never invested much thought in getting married once I realized I was gay, but the passage of Civil Unions in Vermont gave me hope. Soon after they were legalized, I started asking Skip to "civil union" me and, amazingly, she eventually said yes!
So began the search for a suitable spot for the event. Back in the day when Skip was ambulatory, we used to spend a fair number of weekends at a lovely inn in Vermont, and wanted to find a similar spot for our union; of course, now it would need to have a handicapped-accessible room for us.
I'm not quite sure how we found the place, but after much searching on the Internet and calling around, we found an inn with about 14 rooms, one accessible, that was near Brattleboro, VT and 3 hours from our home. In November 2000, we spent a night there to ensure the room would really meet Skip's needs and to check out the place overall, to make sure we could host our civil union there.
For the civil union, we took over the place for the entire weekend. We were joined by my parents, siblings and some of their kids, 2 of Skip's 4 brothers (her parents are dead) and some of their kids and grandkids, our closest friends and our minister from home and her husband. Maybe 25 folks all told.
The weather was beautiful all weekend. Unseasonably warm and comfortable for Vermont in April. Sunny and lovely as well. I had anticipated a "mud season" mixed bag of weather, but we got a beauty.
When I first contemplated getting civilly unioned, I'm not quite sure why I wanted to do it. One rationale was a desire to have as much legal connectedness with Skip as possible; I worried someday we might have some kind of hospital visitation/decision-making issues and looked for any kind of legal legitimacy I could find. Granted, our legal status in VT ended the moment we crossed the state line.
Maybe I was looking for a public declaration of our love. And that is what we most definitely got.
It was an absolute outpouring of love and support that we got from family and friends. The weekend, and especially the civil union ceremony, were so affirming for us. My father read "The Road Less Traveled" during the ceremony, getting quite choked up. Skip's brother, a Deacon in the Catholic church, spoke movingly of the love he had for us and the appreciation Skip's family has for me and all I do for her. (He is permanently cemented in my mother's affections as a result.)
The ceremony and the weekend went off without a hitch. I felt like one of the luckiest people on earth. It was a highlight of my life.
In May, I'll write a post about our wedding in 2004 ... 3 days after it became legal.
I never invested much thought in getting married once I realized I was gay, but the passage of Civil Unions in Vermont gave me hope. Soon after they were legalized, I started asking Skip to "civil union" me and, amazingly, she eventually said yes!
So began the search for a suitable spot for the event. Back in the day when Skip was ambulatory, we used to spend a fair number of weekends at a lovely inn in Vermont, and wanted to find a similar spot for our union; of course, now it would need to have a handicapped-accessible room for us.
I'm not quite sure how we found the place, but after much searching on the Internet and calling around, we found an inn with about 14 rooms, one accessible, that was near Brattleboro, VT and 3 hours from our home. In November 2000, we spent a night there to ensure the room would really meet Skip's needs and to check out the place overall, to make sure we could host our civil union there.
For the civil union, we took over the place for the entire weekend. We were joined by my parents, siblings and some of their kids, 2 of Skip's 4 brothers (her parents are dead) and some of their kids and grandkids, our closest friends and our minister from home and her husband. Maybe 25 folks all told.
The weather was beautiful all weekend. Unseasonably warm and comfortable for Vermont in April. Sunny and lovely as well. I had anticipated a "mud season" mixed bag of weather, but we got a beauty.
When I first contemplated getting civilly unioned, I'm not quite sure why I wanted to do it. One rationale was a desire to have as much legal connectedness with Skip as possible; I worried someday we might have some kind of hospital visitation/decision-making issues and looked for any kind of legal legitimacy I could find. Granted, our legal status in VT ended the moment we crossed the state line.
Maybe I was looking for a public declaration of our love. And that is what we most definitely got.
It was an absolute outpouring of love and support that we got from family and friends. The weekend, and especially the civil union ceremony, were so affirming for us. My father read "The Road Less Traveled" during the ceremony, getting quite choked up. Skip's brother, a Deacon in the Catholic church, spoke movingly of the love he had for us and the appreciation Skip's family has for me and all I do for her. (He is permanently cemented in my mother's affections as a result.)
The ceremony and the weekend went off without a hitch. I felt like one of the luckiest people on earth. It was a highlight of my life.
In May, I'll write a post about our wedding in 2004 ... 3 days after it became legal.
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