Word Verification on Comments

I wanted to turn off word verification for comments, since it seems some of my blogging friends are having troubles reading the letters and I'm indifferent if I get a few spam comments here and there. If I look in the "Posts and Comments" section of "Settings," though, there's no way to turn it off. Other than turning on moderation for all comments, does anyone know of a means for turning off word verification?

New Stuff on the Right-Hand Nav Bar

I've added 2 new items on the right-hand side of my blog: a space to replay my last 5 tweets and a list of the most popular blog posts. Of course, so far, I've only tweeted twice, but one of those tweets was a test text sent from my phone, so it'll be easy to add updates going forward. When I was looking for the tweet gadget, I noticed another gadget for listing your most popular posts. I thought that'd be fun for a while. Not surprisingly, most of the popular ones are about caregiver aids, since those are the ones that'd show up in Google searches. Because, from experience, I haven't found much online about things like our modified Honda Element (called the XWAV) or the lift system (Surehands) that we've got installed in the bedroom and bathroom. But why was a post about going to a Halloween party with or without a costume a top post?

I'm Back!

Over the last 8 months, since I closed the door on posting to this blog, I've often thought that the experiences I was going through, the things happening to Skip or my musings of the moment would be good items for posting here. So, I've decided to get back in the saddle.

So let's bring everyone up to speed on our little family and its current state ...

Skip and I celebrated our 30th year together in August. Yikes! How did that happen? How did we get that old?

Skip's MS is about the same as it was last March, though she says her left hand has gotten worse. Fortunately, she can still feed herself most of the time and manages to do a lot of surfing on her computer. Ruby recovered beautifully from her back surgery last February and dropped 6 pounds (20-25% of her body weight) because we changed how we fed her. She's gotten quite spry. Addy will be 2 at the end of January, so she's a teenager now. Still rambunctious and a barker. Her long hair is just beautiful and I'll have to post some photos so you can see what I mean. In many ways, she reminds me of the dearly departed Sally, with her extreme lovingness to both of us and her total attachment to me. Unlike Sally, though, she has not managed to piss off any skunks and remains unsprayed to date (Sally got sprayed 5 times in her short 4 years of life).

And me? Well, I'm still unemployed. Whenever I stop to think about it, I wonder how I managed to be a caregiver and work a very demanding job for all those years. Because, let's be honest, being a caregiver is a demanding job in and of itself. I know part of it was accomplished by being perenially sleep deprived. And, I pretty much always had a neverending to do list that nagged at me. No longer am I tired and behind on things. Also, I seem to be slowly but surely gaining back all those pounds I lost in my early 40s. Unfortunately, the additional discretionary time in my day hasn't resulted in my getting any exercise. This needs to change.

I've got some stories I want to share so will be posting these in the coming days and weeks. I look forward to writing them and hearing your thoughts on them.

Blogging to Recommence Soon

I've been in an ugly place and haven't felt much point in blogging of late. I progressed past hyper-cranky into dread. I woke up feeling dread, felt it all day long and thought dreadful things as I tried to grab some sleep at the end of the day.

Dread is lifting, some hope is returning. Talk to you soon.

30 Posts, 31 Days

I notice that my posting frequency has been dropping with each month since I established this blog.  September saw only 8 posts, the lowest so far in a month.

I find blogging both fun and personally enlightening. I do my best thinking when I have a conversation or write about something, as I'm not a particularly introspective thinker. So blogging is a good tool for me to think some things through. And, of course, I am my own favorite subject, so I love to write about me!

When I first got started, I had lots of stuff to write about. I documented the kinds of things that made me cranky, scoured around for recommendations on the internet for how to deal with anger, wrote about the aids that we use here at home to help with caregiving. I also didn't have many blogs that I read, having not yet found the large community of MS bloggers and the smaller community of MS caregivers. Reading those blogs can take a surprising amount of time (time well spent, I might add).

Part of my drop off in blogging, I believe, is just getting out of the habit. I plan to post something at least 30 times this month. This should get me back into the habit. So, be prepared for lots of stuff here, some good, some drivel. I look forward to a fun October.

Interesting Factoid About Comments

I noticed that I was on the verge of posting my 100th post (in fact, this is the 100th), and I was thinking about writing a milestone post. I started looking at the stats concerning number of users and how people came to the site (directly, via another site or through a search engine). For those who came via search engine, my posts about our modified Honda Element Xwav (aka the Toaster) and our Surehands lift system definitely generated the most visits. (Honestly, I'm not surprised about this because I searched the web about both of these items before purchasing to find independent reviews about them and was unsuccessful. I don't think there's that much out there about these aids.)

This caused me to wonder if anyone had posted a comment on any of my Caregiver Aids posts long after I'd posted the item. I checked them out and, lo and behold, there were comments that got posted months after the originals. I don't employ comment moderation nor did I have any kind of notification set up so I'd know when a comment was posted, so I'd never been aware of these comments until the other day.

This morning, I went to the Settings > Comments section of Blogger and found there's a setting that is almost exactly what I'd have requested if given my druthers. I'd have requested any comment posted to an entry more than 7 days after I posted it could be posted automatically but I'd get an email to alert me to it. All comments posted within the 7 days would just act as they do today, no notification to me, no moderation required from me. Since this wasn't available, I selected comment moderation only when a comment is more than 7 days older than the post. And, I'll also get an email notification about it. I'd rather not have the moderation in place, but the only other option would have had me get an email about every comment posted. This would result in enough emails that I'd probably miss notification about a comment on an older post.

I can't speak about any of the other blogging applications out there, but I must give kudos to Blogger for having this kind of functionality in place. I love comments and I'd love to know that an older post had a comment so I could read it and follow-up.

Attitude is Everything

I started this blog about 3 months ago. I was in a bad place at the time. It had taken me many years to get there, but I was feeling restless, dissatisfied with my life, fearful of the future as a caregiver to someone with a progressive disease, wondering "is this all there is?"

Historically, I'd prided myself on my ability to deal with issues in all parts of my life and find creative solutions to those problems. I tended to have a positive outlook on life, expecting good things to happen to Skip and me. I expected I'd be able to keep on dealing and moving forward with my life.

Something happened. Did I get worn down by the demands of life? Draw on the reserves a bit too much so there wasn't more to give? Did my need to be the one who could handle it all keep me from facing my fears and feelings? Yes, yes and yes.

I became brittle. I couldn't deal. I got cranky. I saw little purpose to my life. 2008 was, without a doubt, the worst year of my life.

So, how am I feeling today? I feel optimistic about the future again. Of course it will have challenges, but I know we'll face them and figure out how to deal with them. We'll even plan ahead for some eventualities so we're able to handle them most effectively if they come to pass. I don't feel a big empty hole in the middle of my life anymore. That hole was the lack of purpose and meaning. I feel confident again that the giving and receiving of love is what life is all about and caring for Skip gives my life purpose.

Is the major attitude adjustment a result of blogging? Well, yes. At least in part.

I've mentioned before that I'm not particularly introspective and need to think "out loud" to really understand what I'm thinking and work through issues. By writing posts about why I get cranky, how to counteract my crankiness, and how I feel, I've gained some insights into my motivations and feelings. This blog has been a great tool to open up pathways into the murk that lies below the surface in my brain.

Gaining these insights has prompted some behavior changes in me. Even more importantly, though, they've allowed me to react in ways other than with crankiness as I honestly understand my feelings and motivations better.

These outcomes were what I'd hoped for when I started blogging. They could have occurred if I'd written these posts in a journal that never saw the light of day.

There was something I didn't realize I was missing before: the blogging community. I've barely put my toe out into the blogging world and already I can feel the positive effects of the community. I've "met" some great folks as a result of blogging. And, many of them are struggling with the same stuff as Skip and me. It's great to write a post and then see comments come in that give support, put a new slant on the post's content or just say "hi." Similarly, I've begun reading lots of others' blogs that I've found since I began this one. I am constantly impressed by what others write, both in content and quality of writing, and often find it quite moving. I look forward to reading from my blogroll every day.

I know my attitude will swing into the dark side in the future. I see blogging -- both the process of posting and interactions with other bloggers -- as a great way to climb back out of future funks.

Awards for Blogs and Bloggers I Enjoy and Admire

Recently, I received an "A Hoy" award from Herrad via Spike and Marleen's World's blog and an "Outstanding Bloggery" award from Andy of Jughead's Baltimore Blog. Thanks to both of them for the kudos! I'm passing these awards on to 5 blogs that I enjoy and admire.

The A Hoy award, per the A Hoy link, is about positive thinking. So, I really appreciate that a "cranky" blog got this award. :-) It has a distinct set of rules for nominations (copied from the A Hoy site):

Rules for Making an Award

1. Pick five blogs that you consider deserve this award based upon any criteria - for example, the quality of the commentary, wit, humour, artwork, overall design, value to you of the information being provided, and so on.

2. The awarding blogger should choose at least two blogs not on his or her own blogroll, the purpose being to encourage variety of reading matter, and to have the person making the award think about what they like to see and read.

3. Your five choices must be published in a dedicated post on your own blog. This post must contain the name of the author (which may be their logon name), and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone. This post should contain brief details of what attracted you to the blog. Details may also be posted in the comments section of "What is a Hoy?"

4. In the same dedicated post, each winner has to show the award and acknowledge the blog that has given him or her the award.

5. Both those awarding and receiving A Hoy must show the link to A Hoy blog, so that everyone will know the origin of this award.

6. When publishing details of the blogs to which you have made your awards, these rules must be published for recipients to follow.

I nominate Anne from Disabled Not Dead. Anne's not on my blogroll because Blogger keeps giving me an error message whenever I add her url to the list. Though she's on vacation right now so on a brief hiatus, I check her site every day for postings. Her writing is excellent and I am interested in what she has to say.

I also nominate PB from Pat's Pond, a site I haven't gotten around to adding to my blogroll, but should. In addition to her excellent writing, I love her photos from her meanderings around the pond.

The Outstanding Bloggery award I pass on to 3 of the blogs in my blogroll.

First, to Joan at A Short in the Cord. I was first drawn by her analogy for MS. Then, the content kept me. I love, also, how she has a period call-in for MS folks on various subjects.

Second, to Diane at A Stellar Life. Smart, angry and posting about a variety of things, both personal and informative. I always am glad to see when there's a new post from Diane.

Third, to Lisa at Brass and Ivory, whose blog I find amazing. How does she do it all, I ask myself? The blog is a combination of subject matter expertise postings, personal stuff and a highly useful directory of others who blog about MS.

Shout outs to all of you who have made my browsing through the interwebs enjoyable, challenging and educational.

Browsing the Blogs

Spent some time on Sunday and again this morning looking for blogs about caregiving. Started by searching on Google for "caregiver blog." Looked around at the sites that came up on the first 3 pages of results. Of the blogs I found, almost all were stale, with the latest post often more than 6 months prior. Found one "caregivingly yours," see link to the side, that looks like it's pretty current and regularly maintained by a husband whose wife has MS. From his site, I started prowling around Blog links from the other side of the caregiver/caregivee equation -- those with MS.

There are a LOT of blogs from folks with MS. Lots are very current with active posters. Even more importantly, the content was interesting, and I'll be visiting a number of these again. I've added some to my blog roll in case you want to check them out.

Skip doesn't talk much about herself or what she's experiencing with her MS. She's intensely private, even with me. Reading what others are going through doesn't tell me what is going on in her head, but it can give me some insight into how it feels to have MS.

I'm trying not to draw too many conclusions about the plethora of active blogs from those with MS versus those who give care (regardless of the malady of the caregivee). I'm sure there's an element of availability/time to it. The blogs I've been looking at from those with MS seem to be written primarily by individuals who no longer work. And, caregivers often work at paying jobs in addition to the non-paying caregiver job, so probably have less time available.

I wonder if there's something else at work, though. If you have MS, it's not your fault, it's externally imposed on you. Nothing to feel guilty about. I bet lots of caregivers have mixed feelings about their roles and how they "do" in them. I recognize that my caregiving to Skip is a huge gift to her. However, I still have feelings of guilt (for getting cranky, especially), anger, resentment, etc. that I harbor. A real mixed bag. Not something you necessarily want to expose to the light of day. I'm sure I'm not alone in the caregiving world. Just go ahead and Google the phrase "caregiver anger," to see the truth of what I'm saying.

If you read this post and are aware of some active caregiver blogs, please add a comment and point me in their direction. Thanks!