Let's Call it Sabbatical

One of the severance benefits offered by my former employer is the services of an outplacement firm for six months. Although I was lukewarm, at best, about getting a new job, especially a demanding one within my former career, I thought it couldn't hurt to learn more about job-hunting and, if I was lucky, finally figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I went over and met with my career counselor a few weeks ago. He was a middle-aged guy a year or two younger than me who had worked in HR at the firm I'd recently been booted from. As such, he understands their unusual corporate culture. Since I don't plan to return there, that is of limited value, but at the very least he has some insight into the kind of work environment I'd experienced over the last 7 years.

During our meeting, I talked about my desire not to return to the kind of demanding job I'd been in. It created work/life conflicts that were stressful and increasingly unmanageable for me. And the job didn't offer any personal or professional growth. That I was thinking about retiring (as in never holding another job) or potentially finding just a "job" rather than getting back into my career work.

So we agreed to work together to see what path might work best for me.

In the meantime, he suggested I call my current state "on sabbatical" rather than "retired." Job hunting in the current day is largely managed through networking. If I tell my large network of former colleagues that I'm retired, they probably won't think of me if a good opportunity comes up. When he suggested it, I thought it was actually a perfect fit for my current state, since I am taking a hiatus from work. Who knows where I'll be at this time next year ... but for now, I'm taking a break.

Test Driving Retirement

Years ago, in the naivete of youth, I thought I'd retire at 50. Then, it moved out to 55. Then, as Skip's disease progressed and we started having expenses I hadn't anticipated, such as for household assistance, I figured we were looking at many more years of employment before I could retire ... would probably have to delay until 62. And, since I worked at home, I figured I was extending the years during which I could work without issue, since I could care for Skip intermittently during the work day.

I should point out that I've pretty much wanted to retire since I began working. I know there are some people out there who don't want to stop working. I do not count myself among them. I've enjoyed aspects of all my jobs and found satisfaction from them in many ways, but always looked forward to the day when my time wasn't spoken for by an employer. Maybe this is because I've never found a job that I was passionate about.

After being laid off, as I thought about finding a new job -- learning the ropes, having all those new responsibilities -- the prospect of imminent retirement looked better and better. I've found it very hard over the last few years to handle the triad of responsibilities for caregiving, a demanding job and self-care. And, when anything got deferred on the margin, it was always the self-care that got kicked to the curb. I thought if I didn't have to manage a job, I might actually start exercising, cooking healthfully and getting more sleep, all things I'd stopped over the last few years.

Also, if it turns out we can't swing retirement financially, having a significant gap in my resume isn't likely to be a huge issue during this "jobless recovery." There are millions of folks in the US who have been jobless for really long periods of time. Otherwise, the President and Congress wouldn't have extended unemployment benefits for up to 99 weeks. (Unfortunately, this extension is only in force for the folks who were unemployment in May 2010.)

I am still browsing the career sites and the sites of companies that I know employ home-based employees. Keeping those options open while I give retirement a spin!

A New Phase Begins

Today, I am unemployed. Yesterday, my employer of over 7 years laid me off and today was my last day of work. The layoff process was quite different from when I was laid off from another company in 2002. That day, there was an armed guard in the lobby of our office building to ensure we meekly accepted our booting. And, once we received word of our dismissal, not one moment more was spent working. Turn over your laptop and head out the door. Here, at least, I got one day to try and do a brain dump for my colleagues who will be left to carry on managing the 25 balls I had flying through the air.

I have experienced a lot of emotions over the last 36 hours. I'd say they are surprise, anger, sadness, relief, euphoria, bitterness, euphoria, melancholy, euphoria and a sense of loss as I bid goodbye to my work friends and my ability to exercise my professional skills (at least for now). It's been a revelation to me in the last day and half to realize just how much the demands of this job weighed on me; as the burden has gone the spirit has lifted dramatically. I see now that I can be happy again.

My severance package is generous and I do not have an immediate need to find a new job. This is a wonderful gift as I sit here at 54 and contemplate a time of respite. I want to take some time to 1) enjoy this period of freedom, 2) find ways to cut expenses from our day-to-life so our income needs drop and then 3) figure out what I can do for employment that will give me the flexibility to work from home and provide a measure of personal and professional fulfillment. This is a journey I'm looking forward to. Of course, there will also be plenty of time for relaxation.