I'll tell you what makes me cranky pretty much every day. The caregiving never ends. Never is there a point where I do something in caring for Skip and I say to myself, "well, that's done then."
And the demands have increased over time and will increase as the years go by. Unlike kids, who grow up and become independent (yeah, yeah I know they're always your kids, but the active care for them day in day out ends in the vast majority of cases).
It's important for me to get breaks from the demands of caregiving. Without them, my ability to approach caregiving in good humor diminishes to almost nothing.
Showing posts with label Cranky Reasons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cranky Reasons. Show all posts
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
New Cranky Reasons #3: Incompetence!
Let's just say it right here and now: I'm good at everything I do (except for handyman projects). Skip often comments that no one does (insert task here) better than me. Which strikes me as funny since I'm the amateur and she has lots of people helping her who are paid professionals.
As noted before, we had to switch to a new agency for visiting nurses and home health aides when Skip came out of the hospital because of the need for IV administration support. We were told the agency Skip had been using for many years did not have that service so we switched over to another provider. We now have home health aides from the new agency M-F for 2 hours a day. They are a lot like the aides from the other agency, except the physical therapist from the new outfit trained them on range of motion exercises for Skip, so they are helping her with that every day. A definite upgrade in my book.
The 5 day a week visits are divided between 2 aides. The one who comes twice a week, MG, is very nice and has figured out that Skip is high maintenance but easy to tease about it. They've developed a good rapport. When MG is here, I can hear the two of them chatting away during Skip's bath. MG has been to the house about 10 times so far. On her 2nd or 3rd visit, when she was emptying Skip's catheter drainage bag, she neglected to close the bag's nozzle. Because the bag was hanging low, just above the rug, it was somewhat out of sight and the problem wasn't discovered for 18 hours! During that entire time, pee was dripping onto the rug. (To add to the annoyance, the rug that was dripped on is an oriental carpet once owned by my great-grandfather.)
I have never called an agency to complain about an aide. But, I had to in this case because they were going to have to reimburse us for the rug cleaning. The next time MG came, she had been spoken to at the office and was quite contrite, apologized and swore it would never happen again. Apparently, never is about 4 weeks long because she did it again yesterday! This morning, while I had the rug rolled up, cleaning the floor, cleaning the rug, getting towels under the rug to protect the floor while the rug dried, etc., I was having a good ol' rant. I was cranky! This woman has been a home health aide for more than 10 years. She must empty drainage bags multiple times a day for multiple clients every single day of work. How does she not close a nozzle twice in 10 visits? Apparently, we can't trust her to do this task right so I'll have to take care of emptying the bag on the days she comes.
We hadn't had the rug professionally cleaned from the first incident yet (I gave it a good cleaning and drying at the time) because we were waiting for Skip to be out of bed and for my brother to come over and help me with furniture moving and rolling it up. Those two events haven't occurred together yet. We haven't decided yet if we're going to inform the agency of the 2nd occurrence. We'll definitely tell MG when next she comes. But, unless we decide we want to ask to have MG be replaced by another aide, we probably won't give her agency a call about it.
As noted before, we had to switch to a new agency for visiting nurses and home health aides when Skip came out of the hospital because of the need for IV administration support. We were told the agency Skip had been using for many years did not have that service so we switched over to another provider. We now have home health aides from the new agency M-F for 2 hours a day. They are a lot like the aides from the other agency, except the physical therapist from the new outfit trained them on range of motion exercises for Skip, so they are helping her with that every day. A definite upgrade in my book.
The 5 day a week visits are divided between 2 aides. The one who comes twice a week, MG, is very nice and has figured out that Skip is high maintenance but easy to tease about it. They've developed a good rapport. When MG is here, I can hear the two of them chatting away during Skip's bath. MG has been to the house about 10 times so far. On her 2nd or 3rd visit, when she was emptying Skip's catheter drainage bag, she neglected to close the bag's nozzle. Because the bag was hanging low, just above the rug, it was somewhat out of sight and the problem wasn't discovered for 18 hours! During that entire time, pee was dripping onto the rug. (To add to the annoyance, the rug that was dripped on is an oriental carpet once owned by my great-grandfather.)
I have never called an agency to complain about an aide. But, I had to in this case because they were going to have to reimburse us for the rug cleaning. The next time MG came, she had been spoken to at the office and was quite contrite, apologized and swore it would never happen again. Apparently, never is about 4 weeks long because she did it again yesterday! This morning, while I had the rug rolled up, cleaning the floor, cleaning the rug, getting towels under the rug to protect the floor while the rug dried, etc., I was having a good ol' rant. I was cranky! This woman has been a home health aide for more than 10 years. She must empty drainage bags multiple times a day for multiple clients every single day of work. How does she not close a nozzle twice in 10 visits? Apparently, we can't trust her to do this task right so I'll have to take care of emptying the bag on the days she comes.
We hadn't had the rug professionally cleaned from the first incident yet (I gave it a good cleaning and drying at the time) because we were waiting for Skip to be out of bed and for my brother to come over and help me with furniture moving and rolling it up. Those two events haven't occurred together yet. We haven't decided yet if we're going to inform the agency of the 2nd occurrence. We'll definitely tell MG when next she comes. But, unless we decide we want to ask to have MG be replaced by another aide, we probably won't give her agency a call about it.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
New Cranky Reasons #2: Cranky Needs Glasses
Last fall, I drove to the Cape, sometimes twice a week, to help my siblings pack up my Mom's house. It was a two-hour drive each way. I typically left about 8pm, so was driving after dark the whole trip home. I noticed for the first time that I was having some issues driving at night. I found myself relying on all the road reflectors and lines to find my way more than I ever had. And, if it was raining, night driving became very difficult for me. The shininess of the wet road and signs from my headlight beams really created challenges in making my way along the highway.
Some people would have had an eye examination soon after experiencing such troubles. But not me. I managed to put off the exam until yesterday. Well, bah! I'm near-sighted, far-sighted (I've been wearing reading glasses for 10 years) and have astigmatism. I ordered glasses with progressive lenses as I was assured I had 30 days to return them if they didn't work out. But, oy, they are expensive! I got frames that are virtually indestructible in the hopes I won't destroy them, as I've done with readers many times in the past.
Yeah, I'm cranky. I don't want to wear glasses. Though, I'll be happy if night driving gets much easier.
Some people would have had an eye examination soon after experiencing such troubles. But not me. I managed to put off the exam until yesterday. Well, bah! I'm near-sighted, far-sighted (I've been wearing reading glasses for 10 years) and have astigmatism. I ordered glasses with progressive lenses as I was assured I had 30 days to return them if they didn't work out. But, oy, they are expensive! I got frames that are virtually indestructible in the hopes I won't destroy them, as I've done with readers many times in the past.
Yeah, I'm cranky. I don't want to wear glasses. Though, I'll be happy if night driving gets much easier.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
New Cranky Reasons #1: Lack of Control
When I first started this blog, I documented a number of things that made me cranky in my Cranky Reasons posts. Lest folks think I'm getting happy and have lost the cranky edge, I've decided to start up a new list. I'm not checking the old list, so there may be some repeats, but everything old can be new again ... not just bellbottom jeans, but my cranky reasons.
Without further ado, then, let us start with the cranky reason that's top of mind for me today ...
New cranky reason #1: Lack of control. Primarily, over our personal space. I first thought of naming this reason "Space Invaders," because those are the people that are the primary cause of the loss of control. People are always coming to the house: mostly nurses and home health aides. They provide valuable services when they're here, but they are providing that service here, and that's the problem. You lose your privacy, especially for Skip who, during these visits, is receiving medical attention or a bath. This morning was over the top as we had 2 RN's and 1 LPN here for more than an hour while the nurse who's an IV specialist was working on Skip's PICC line (where her IV goes in). Another was being trained and the third is Skip's case manager. And, they arrived at 7:30!
If the people are new, you never know how they'll react to the dogs going a bit crazy with barking and such when they arrive. Will they close the gate correctly when they go or will it drift open so Addy can escape? And, will they leave the house as they found it (which, admittedly is cluttered and not spotlessly clean)? The answer to the last question is often no, particularly for the aides. They never wipe the counter in the kitchen after preparing Skip a meal, they get water all over the windowsill by the sink so it's now lost some of it's varnish, they leave cabinets and drawers ajar and so on. I've provided feedback to some of them, but it hasn't helped. I'll admit I'd rather just properly close Skip's sock drawer than have to do all the work they do when they're here, but, really, how hard is it just to close it all the way? Every time I do it after they've left, I ask myself, do they leave all the drawers and cabinets open at their own homes?
Without further ado, then, let us start with the cranky reason that's top of mind for me today ...
New cranky reason #1: Lack of control. Primarily, over our personal space. I first thought of naming this reason "Space Invaders," because those are the people that are the primary cause of the loss of control. People are always coming to the house: mostly nurses and home health aides. They provide valuable services when they're here, but they are providing that service here, and that's the problem. You lose your privacy, especially for Skip who, during these visits, is receiving medical attention or a bath. This morning was over the top as we had 2 RN's and 1 LPN here for more than an hour while the nurse who's an IV specialist was working on Skip's PICC line (where her IV goes in). Another was being trained and the third is Skip's case manager. And, they arrived at 7:30!
If the people are new, you never know how they'll react to the dogs going a bit crazy with barking and such when they arrive. Will they close the gate correctly when they go or will it drift open so Addy can escape? And, will they leave the house as they found it (which, admittedly is cluttered and not spotlessly clean)? The answer to the last question is often no, particularly for the aides. They never wipe the counter in the kitchen after preparing Skip a meal, they get water all over the windowsill by the sink so it's now lost some of it's varnish, they leave cabinets and drawers ajar and so on. I've provided feedback to some of them, but it hasn't helped. I'll admit I'd rather just properly close Skip's sock drawer than have to do all the work they do when they're here, but, really, how hard is it just to close it all the way? Every time I do it after they've left, I ask myself, do they leave all the drawers and cabinets open at their own homes?
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The Mother of All Cranky Reasons
In my post on Tuesday night I asked, essentially, why I bother with it all. Why do all this work; why provide all this care? What's the point? These questions were prompted by an outburst I might characterize as the mother of all crankiness. It was caused by a not-so-delightful combination of Cranky Reasons #9 (this freakin' disease), #6 (this shouldn't be happening) and #5 (I get scared) plus an unnumbered reason: enough already. The situation was that Skip's hands were so weak she was finding it too hard to eat her dinner salad and asked if I'd feed her.
This request prompted a cascading series of images in my mind as I imagined helping her eat becoming a part of the daily mix of caregiving tasks. If you're a caregiver, you can become accustomed to a certain level of care that you're providing, but adding new items can be a scary prospect. I reacted very badly to this new possibility.
Right now, we have a pretty good routine in terms of serving dinner to Skip and the level of support she needs that allows me to eat and enjoy my meal at the same time. If I have to feed her, then the entire routine will change and I won't be able to eat at the same time and someone's dinner will be eaten cold (most likely mine).
But, most importantly, if I'm feeding Skip, then this is one less chunk of time I can call my own that is instead given over to caregiving. This is what I most regret about the need to take on any new tasks ... I lose that much more time in my day where I determine how that time is spent.
This request prompted a cascading series of images in my mind as I imagined helping her eat becoming a part of the daily mix of caregiving tasks. If you're a caregiver, you can become accustomed to a certain level of care that you're providing, but adding new items can be a scary prospect. I reacted very badly to this new possibility.
Right now, we have a pretty good routine in terms of serving dinner to Skip and the level of support she needs that allows me to eat and enjoy my meal at the same time. If I have to feed her, then the entire routine will change and I won't be able to eat at the same time and someone's dinner will be eaten cold (most likely mine).
But, most importantly, if I'm feeding Skip, then this is one less chunk of time I can call my own that is instead given over to caregiving. This is what I most regret about the need to take on any new tasks ... I lose that much more time in my day where I determine how that time is spent.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Cranky Reason #10: Don't Tell Me What to Do!
Cranky Reason #10: being told what to do. Oh yeah, I do not like being told what to do. I came of age in the '70s, so that might have something to do with it. I learned very young to question authority, and I've been doing it ever since. And, I've noticed that my mother chafes at being told what to do. The apple didn't fall far from the tree on that score. This isn't just a problem when Skip tells me what to do, it's an issue in all parts of my life. I'd hate to be the boss of me!
A reminisence from 15 years ago ... Before Skip had to retire due to her MS, she was a chef, and a very good one. We have some 4 x 6 recipe cards documenting her signature dishes. One time, we were having over for the first time a lesbian couple we'd met just recently at church. By this time, Skip was no longer able to stand at a hot stove and cook. We decided I'd make one of these signature recipes, a chicken dish, as the main course. True, she'd probably cooked that dish a hundred times and it was my first try, but I heartily resented her sitting at the kitchen table trying to pass on her knowledge of the dish's preparation. I took it as "telling me what to do." Fortunately, we patched things up before the couple showed up and the dish came out great. That dinner was the beginning of a great friendship!
De-Crank Strategy: Really, what's the harm in someone telling me what to do? Does this compromise my personhood and integrity if I follow their instructions? You might suspect from my reaction that these will be the consequences. Take a breath, Crank, and choose a different reaction; it won't kill you. If that fails, why not try and turn it into a collaboration so you end up feeling like you're a partner in the endeavor rather than just someone being delegated to?
A reminisence from 15 years ago ... Before Skip had to retire due to her MS, she was a chef, and a very good one. We have some 4 x 6 recipe cards documenting her signature dishes. One time, we were having over for the first time a lesbian couple we'd met just recently at church. By this time, Skip was no longer able to stand at a hot stove and cook. We decided I'd make one of these signature recipes, a chicken dish, as the main course. True, she'd probably cooked that dish a hundred times and it was my first try, but I heartily resented her sitting at the kitchen table trying to pass on her knowledge of the dish's preparation. I took it as "telling me what to do." Fortunately, we patched things up before the couple showed up and the dish came out great. That dinner was the beginning of a great friendship!
De-Crank Strategy: Really, what's the harm in someone telling me what to do? Does this compromise my personhood and integrity if I follow their instructions? You might suspect from my reaction that these will be the consequences. Take a breath, Crank, and choose a different reaction; it won't kill you. If that fails, why not try and turn it into a collaboration so you end up feeling like you're a partner in the endeavor rather than just someone being delegated to?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Cranky Reason #9: This Freakin' Disease!
Cranky Reason #9: MS! So how did I miss this one, plain as the nose on my face? I'd guess I didn't think of it before because MS isn't the thing that triggers crankiness, but instead makes my reactions to other events turn to crankiness more easily.
It takes a while for crankiness to build enough for me to verbalize it. In my mind, when I think of the impact that MS has on my mood, my anger/resentment/
bitterness about MS has already got the crank reservoir half-full. So, I get cranky more quickly than I did pre-MS (back in the dawn of time). The image here is intended to depict my view of this ... the crank reservoir that would be empty without MS is already halfway to cranky without any of the Cranky Reasons I've already discussed coming into play. This means I'm faster to anger. My cranky reaction is also more exaggerated than in the past ... though I can't think of an analogy to help explain that.
De-Crank Strategy: If I can remember it's the #&*%$ disease that's the problem here, that might slow down the crankiness. Hard to get cranky with Skip if we're in this situation because of MS. It may help from time to time to acknowledge how terrible the impact of this disease has been on our lives. I think it's just horrific that this disease has robbed so much from us and is also able to help drive a wedge between us due to its emotional effects on me (and Skip, too). Damned disease!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Cranky Reason #8: the Red Sox
Cranky Reason #8: the Red Sox. I have to admit that it's not only caregiving stuff that can make me cranky. I was really looking forward to the Red Sox season starting up last week ... their poor start is making me frustrated and cranky.
De-crank Strategy: Just turn off the game if it's going badly. If they come back and win, I can read about it and enjoy the outcome secondhand. If they don't come back, I don't have to be frustrated by their inability to take advantage of opportunities. I have been employing this strategy frequently already this season.
De-crank Strategy: Just turn off the game if it's going badly. If they come back and win, I can read about it and enjoy the outcome secondhand. If they don't come back, I don't have to be frustrated by their inability to take advantage of opportunities. I have been employing this strategy frequently already this season.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Cranky Reason #7: Lack of Appreciation
Cranky Reason #7: I don't feel appreciated. Thanks to Tricia of Middle-Aged Mania (see blog link to the side, I have no idea how to imbed a link into my posts) for reminding me about this cranky cause. I have to say this one is a frequent cranky reason, but I am very conflicted about the whole need for "appreciation" as a caregiver.
After all, I'm going to be doing more around the house overall because of my physical capabilities in comparison to Skip's. She can't even get dressed without my assistance; it's not too likely that she'll be taking out the trash or folding the laundry. So more is expected of me. I'm doing stuff for Skip all throughout the day along with household activities and work. Do I expect her to say "thank you" every time I do something for her or around the house? Well ... no. But, maybe every other time. :-) And, Skip expresses her appreciation with "thank you's" a lot.
But seriously, appreciation is acknowledgment to me. When Skip lets me know that she notices and acknowledges the work I'm doing for her and around the house, that makes me feel great.
When I get cranky is when I'm feeling like it's been a while since the last acknowledgment. Or, what can make me feel most cranky is feeling taken for granted. I am really good at caregiving tasks and a lot of things are just taken care of seamlessly and easily throughout the day. It'll really get my goat when I've been taking care of all the usual stuff and Skip focuses in on the one item I neglected to take care of. That's when I say something like, "I took care of 99 of 100 things and you only noticed the one that wasn't done! " Crankiness quickly ensues.
De-crank strategy: Let Skip know with humor when I'm not feeling the love and acknowledgment. If I can use a joke, I can keep from getting mad. I also sometimes point out all the great things I've done for her so she can tell me how great I am. Anything to be made to feel special and not taken for granted will go a long way towards keeping the crankiness at bay.
After all, I'm going to be doing more around the house overall because of my physical capabilities in comparison to Skip's. She can't even get dressed without my assistance; it's not too likely that she'll be taking out the trash or folding the laundry. So more is expected of me. I'm doing stuff for Skip all throughout the day along with household activities and work. Do I expect her to say "thank you" every time I do something for her or around the house? Well ... no. But, maybe every other time. :-) And, Skip expresses her appreciation with "thank you's" a lot.
But seriously, appreciation is acknowledgment to me. When Skip lets me know that she notices and acknowledges the work I'm doing for her and around the house, that makes me feel great.
When I get cranky is when I'm feeling like it's been a while since the last acknowledgment. Or, what can make me feel most cranky is feeling taken for granted. I am really good at caregiving tasks and a lot of things are just taken care of seamlessly and easily throughout the day. It'll really get my goat when I've been taking care of all the usual stuff and Skip focuses in on the one item I neglected to take care of. That's when I say something like, "I took care of 99 of 100 things and you only noticed the one that wasn't done! " Crankiness quickly ensues.
De-crank strategy: Let Skip know with humor when I'm not feeling the love and acknowledgment. If I can use a joke, I can keep from getting mad. I also sometimes point out all the great things I've done for her so she can tell me how great I am. Anything to be made to feel special and not taken for granted will go a long way towards keeping the crankiness at bay.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Cranky Reason #6: This Shouldn't Be Happening
Cranky Reason #: Denying reality. I like to say I'm "reality-based," but, in reality, that's more of a goal than fact. Because if I was truly reality-based, I wouldn't get so cranky when something happens to Skip that I wish had never occurred. The other day, Skip went through a series of being unable to right herself when bending over. So, about 6 times over the course of an hour while I was working, she called out for me to come and sit her up. I just felt so crabby about this ... if she just stopped bending over, this wouldn't be happening! Back in the days when she was semi-mobile, she fell with regularity, sometimes in situations that, in my opinion, were totally avoidable. Then I'd get cranky. I have a few particularly unpretty memories of yelling at Skip while she was lying on the floor, post-fall. I had to make sure and express my crankiness before helping her up.
De-cranky strategy: Honestly, I think this is a case of me trying to impose my able-bodied reality on Skip's situation. Things are different for her than me. So, maybe if I try to be a bit empathetic (not a strong suit for me), I can remember that how we got here is less important than just fixing the problem. Trying to think through different strategies to avoid the problem are best done in a less charged atmosphere after everything is set to right and I'm not approaching the issue with such aggravation.
De-cranky strategy: Honestly, I think this is a case of me trying to impose my able-bodied reality on Skip's situation. Things are different for her than me. So, maybe if I try to be a bit empathetic (not a strong suit for me), I can remember that how we got here is less important than just fixing the problem. Trying to think through different strategies to avoid the problem are best done in a less charged atmosphere after everything is set to right and I'm not approaching the issue with such aggravation.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Cranky Reason #5: I Get Scared
Reason #5: I get scared. I don't know if this happens to my fellow caregivers, but sometimes I get scared. It could be that I see a long series of ever-greater demands and needs pressing down on me. It could be I have dread about the future and the need at hand seems to presage more bad things. For instance, with Skip's growing hand weakness, I sometimes get cranky when she drops her fork. Not because it's so hard to pick it up and give it back. No, the fork is a symbol ... the hands are weakening and the downstream consequences of that could be very bad.
De-cranky strategy: No good ideas on this one at present. I thought admitting the fear would help, but it hasn't really.
De-cranky strategy: No good ideas on this one at present. I thought admitting the fear would help, but it hasn't really.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Cranky Reason #4: Our Priorities Conflict
Reason #4: we have differing priorities. Well, of course we do, we're different people, no matter how much our boundaries may have blurred the last 27+ years. The reason this is an issue for Skip and me is that, as I noted in the first post of this blog, I am her "pair of hands" for many tasks. When there's something she wants done that's a high priority, but I either don't value it or, worse, resent having to do it, it's a set-up for crankiness on both our parts.
De-cranky strategy: explain our feelings to each other. I think sometimes we take for granted that we know each other inside out after all these years, so believe we know what makes the other tick. When Skip explained to me her feelings about birdwatching and all the pleasure it brought her, it made the putting out of seed, peanuts, bread and corn cobs (yes, all these things are distributed outside every second day) for the creatures of the forest much easier for me. Before it was more than a nuisance, as buying all this stuff adds up and it encourages squirrels to hang out around us ... squirrels that do a lot of damage. I'm still not happy about this task, but I understand how much Skip values it, so I don't resent it anymore.
De-cranky strategy: explain our feelings to each other. I think sometimes we take for granted that we know each other inside out after all these years, so believe we know what makes the other tick. When Skip explained to me her feelings about birdwatching and all the pleasure it brought her, it made the putting out of seed, peanuts, bread and corn cobs (yes, all these things are distributed outside every second day) for the creatures of the forest much easier for me. Before it was more than a nuisance, as buying all this stuff adds up and it encourages squirrels to hang out around us ... squirrels that do a lot of damage. I'm still not happy about this task, but I understand how much Skip values it, so I don't resent it anymore.
Cranky Reason #3: It's a Habit
Reason #3: because it's what I do. When I get overwhelmed or have too many conflicting demands, or frustrated or, frankly, whatever, I choose to be cranky. Some requests that might be easily handled when i'm in a little better frame of mind get a bad reaction because it's easy and lazy.
De-cranky strategy: Honestly, I think this will be the hardest reason to break. It's like my brain has a burned-in pathway to the cranky reaction and that's one hard pathway to reprogram. This blog, where I'm thinking more about the "whys" of what I do, is probably the best strategy for getting out of this nasty habit. Conscious thought about behaviors is, for me, the best way to recognize the stupid or non-productive things I'm doing and help me seek alternatives.
De-cranky strategy: Honestly, I think this will be the hardest reason to break. It's like my brain has a burned-in pathway to the cranky reaction and that's one hard pathway to reprogram. This blog, where I'm thinking more about the "whys" of what I do, is probably the best strategy for getting out of this nasty habit. Conscious thought about behaviors is, for me, the best way to recognize the stupid or non-productive things I'm doing and help me seek alternatives.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Cranky Reason #2: It's After Dark
Reason #2: It's dark outside. Yes, it's as simple as that. As the day progresses, my patience, energy and sparkiness fade. As these resources wane, so does my ability to help with good grace. A request that would have been readily accomodated at 9am gets a far less receptive response at 9pm. As these build up, so can my crankiness.
De-crank strategy: Well, I can't stop helping in the evenings, so how best to keep up the spirits? Once I've settled in on the couch in the living room, laptop on lap, it's hardest for me to assist. So, I can check in with Skip between the time the dishes are done and the butt hits the couch. "Anything else you need, hon?" A bottle of water or a snack fetched then is much easier than later, when I'm playing some poker or reading a good book.
De-crank strategy: Well, I can't stop helping in the evenings, so how best to keep up the spirits? Once I've settled in on the couch in the living room, laptop on lap, it's hardest for me to assist. So, I can check in with Skip between the time the dishes are done and the butt hits the couch. "Anything else you need, hon?" A bottle of water or a snack fetched then is much easier than later, when I'm playing some poker or reading a good book.
Cranky Reason #1: Work and Caregiving Conflicts
So why do I get cranky in my caregiving role?
Reason #1: conflicts between work and caregiving. I work from home, my job is fairly demanding. Lots of conference calls and time-sensitive tasks to complete. When the demands between these two facets of my life conflict, crankiness is often the result. It can be through no fault of Skip's, if work is burning hot, simple requests from her can be enough to trigger it. Or, if I'm feeling like I'm being interrupted a lot for a steady stream of low-priority requests, that can be irking as well. Over all of this is the concern that I have of needing to accomplish as much at home as I'd get done in the office; I can't have too many caregiving interruptions during the day or my productivity is impacted.
De-crank strategy: when work is a pressure-cooker, I give Skip a heads up so she knows I may blow. She can be pretty understanding and try to ramp back the requests, but this only goes so far. Even on a normal day, when I feel there's too many requests, I can try to defuse my feelings of irritation by joking about it so she's aware of my frustrations without my lecturing.
Reason #1: conflicts between work and caregiving. I work from home, my job is fairly demanding. Lots of conference calls and time-sensitive tasks to complete. When the demands between these two facets of my life conflict, crankiness is often the result. It can be through no fault of Skip's, if work is burning hot, simple requests from her can be enough to trigger it. Or, if I'm feeling like I'm being interrupted a lot for a steady stream of low-priority requests, that can be irking as well. Over all of this is the concern that I have of needing to accomplish as much at home as I'd get done in the office; I can't have too many caregiving interruptions during the day or my productivity is impacted.
De-crank strategy: when work is a pressure-cooker, I give Skip a heads up so she knows I may blow. She can be pretty understanding and try to ramp back the requests, but this only goes so far. Even on a normal day, when I feel there's too many requests, I can try to defuse my feelings of irritation by joking about it so she's aware of my frustrations without my lecturing.
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