This is one of those rare days when there's no one coming to the house for Skip. No nurses, no aides. Just us chickens, chillin'. We're taking advantage of this quiet to help Skip calm down a bit before the surgery on Friday. She is getting more nervous as each day brings us closer. I'm not sure which is bothering her more, the surgery or the time in the hospital afterwards.
So, Skip has asked me, in the interests of soothing her, to do some things that I hate doing but are important to her. Tops on this list is putting out bird seed. Next will be packing up the things she wants to bring to the hospital. Normally, I'd do that on Friday morning as that's my style, but Skip is most comfortable doing things in advance. It'll help her obsess less about what needs to be packed if it's all taken care of today.
Even being nice and doing this stuff, I'll still have plenty of time for myself to relax, exercise and put up some items on eBay. Sales have really lagged since Christmas and I need to put some items up that will bring in some dough. Gotta love that chillin'.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Feeling Even Better
Today is the end of my second week on Weight Watchers. The online tools are just great, especially the Plan Manager that tracks food eaten and activity. It has a huge database of foods, including prepared dishes, so even items that I don't prepare can be more easily tracked than in the old days when I had to rely on a small pamphlet of points values.
The thing that makes me feel best, though, is that I finally hooked up my Wii yesterday and used it yesterday and today for exercising. A looooooong time ago, I unhooked it to lend to a friend and never set it back up when she returned it. I originally got the Wii thinking that Skip and I could use it together, but she doesn't have enough functioning in her hands to easily operate the controls, so that was pretty much of a bust. So, I bought the balance board to use it for exercising, and that's what I'm using now. For me, I particularly like the aerobic and balancing exercises. My balance is poor, I believe as a result of my Meuniere's disease (an inner ear problem that occasionally causes vertigo), so it's good to have tools that can specifically work on its improvement.
All in all, I feel better both physically and mentally. My energy is good. My spirits are very good. Being more thoughtful and deliberate about what I'm eating is giving me a boost. I am very happy about starting up Weight Watchers again.
The thing that makes me feel best, though, is that I finally hooked up my Wii yesterday and used it yesterday and today for exercising. A looooooong time ago, I unhooked it to lend to a friend and never set it back up when she returned it. I originally got the Wii thinking that Skip and I could use it together, but she doesn't have enough functioning in her hands to easily operate the controls, so that was pretty much of a bust. So, I bought the balance board to use it for exercising, and that's what I'm using now. For me, I particularly like the aerobic and balancing exercises. My balance is poor, I believe as a result of my Meuniere's disease (an inner ear problem that occasionally causes vertigo), so it's good to have tools that can specifically work on its improvement.
All in all, I feel better both physically and mentally. My energy is good. My spirits are very good. Being more thoughtful and deliberate about what I'm eating is giving me a boost. I am very happy about starting up Weight Watchers again.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Pre-Op Plans
There's a lot to be accomplished before Skip's surgery since she'll be bedbound for 6 weeks following the procedure. She got a tooth pulled early last week. Then there was the pre-op appointment at Brigham and Women's Hospital on Friday. We followed that up with a BBQ dinner out. She'll be going to her MS clinic next Thursday. She needs to see her neurologist so he can do a write-up for Medicare as part of the request for a new wheelchair.
Fortunately, we also have some socializing to do as well. We typically have dinner with my mother on Saturday nights, so that's where we were last night. My brother, his wife and their oldest daughter also joined us. That was fun. Today, we're getting together with old friends we hardly ever see since they moved away to Cape Cod about 10 years ago. We're meeting halfway between our two homes for dinner. On Thursday, it's on to see another couple that we love very much for dinner. Since they bought a vacation home in Maine a few years back, they're not around much on weekends, so we don't get to see them very often.
For Skip, who only gets out about once a week, this has been quite a whirlwhind. I guess we're getting 6 weeks of outings crammed into 2 weeks.
Some thoughts about the pre-op appointment. The nurse who met with us spent two hours going through everything to prepare for the day before and day of surgery. She was great. Skip and the nurse, Patty, bonded immediately on their Irish background. She was very professional, knew her stuff, knew what was important, but also was very caring and warm. A tech came into her office while we were meeting to draw blood and perform an EKG so we didn't have to wander around to different offices, with a wait at each one.
There is a stark contrast between this hospital and the hospital where Skip had day surgery in 2007. MW (Skip's aide) took her to the pre-op appointment, so I don't know what went on there. But, when we arrived at the day surgery admissions, there was no assistance whatsoever offered to help Skip get into a gurney and ready for the surgery. I had to manhandle her onto the gurney and change her into a johnny without benefit of any hospital staff assistance. This was completely consistent with all our interactions at this hospital. Skip was admitted there in 2004 for kidney stones and there was no one to help the nurse transfer her into the hospital bed following her admission. I had to help get her to bed. Tests -- they never had any device or people to transfer a disabled person from wheelchair to examining table. Patty at BWH told me I wouldn't have to do anything on the day of surgery except to make sure Skip was safe and everything was to our satisfaction. She told me when we checked in for the surgery, the "transfer team" would show up and take care of everything for Skip. How great is that for both her and me?
Fortunately, we also have some socializing to do as well. We typically have dinner with my mother on Saturday nights, so that's where we were last night. My brother, his wife and their oldest daughter also joined us. That was fun. Today, we're getting together with old friends we hardly ever see since they moved away to Cape Cod about 10 years ago. We're meeting halfway between our two homes for dinner. On Thursday, it's on to see another couple that we love very much for dinner. Since they bought a vacation home in Maine a few years back, they're not around much on weekends, so we don't get to see them very often.
For Skip, who only gets out about once a week, this has been quite a whirlwhind. I guess we're getting 6 weeks of outings crammed into 2 weeks.
Some thoughts about the pre-op appointment. The nurse who met with us spent two hours going through everything to prepare for the day before and day of surgery. She was great. Skip and the nurse, Patty, bonded immediately on their Irish background. She was very professional, knew her stuff, knew what was important, but also was very caring and warm. A tech came into her office while we were meeting to draw blood and perform an EKG so we didn't have to wander around to different offices, with a wait at each one.
There is a stark contrast between this hospital and the hospital where Skip had day surgery in 2007. MW (Skip's aide) took her to the pre-op appointment, so I don't know what went on there. But, when we arrived at the day surgery admissions, there was no assistance whatsoever offered to help Skip get into a gurney and ready for the surgery. I had to manhandle her onto the gurney and change her into a johnny without benefit of any hospital staff assistance. This was completely consistent with all our interactions at this hospital. Skip was admitted there in 2004 for kidney stones and there was no one to help the nurse transfer her into the hospital bed following her admission. I had to help get her to bed. Tests -- they never had any device or people to transfer a disabled person from wheelchair to examining table. Patty at BWH told me I wouldn't have to do anything on the day of surgery except to make sure Skip was safe and everything was to our satisfaction. She told me when we checked in for the surgery, the "transfer team" would show up and take care of everything for Skip. How great is that for both her and me?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
High Maintenance Girl
When you read the title of this post, you might have thought I was referring to Skip, because she often can be very high maintenance. But, so can the two dogs, Ruby and Addy. In fact, we have a saying for when all 3 of them are in high maintenance mode together: "needy, needier, neediest."
Last night was Addy's turn. I went to sleep around 11pm. Addy started whining around 1am. I don't wake up from the whining, Skip does and then has to wake me up. I finally got tired of Skip bugging me about the whining and got up and took her out. It isn't all that uncommon for Addy to go out in the middle of the night. Ruby is smart enough to "take care of business" before going to bed but Addy, despite being almost 2, hasn't got that down and about 1 in 3 nights she whines to go out in the middle of the night.
What is uncommon is a second bout of whining. At 3:30, Addy whined and whined. And I finally, with much crankiness, got up. Turns out, all she wanted was a drink of water! Grrrrr.
Admittedly, though, regardless of what any of them do, I still love all my high maintenance girls.
Bonus Content: when I looked through the album that had the photo above, I found this great series of something I've seen acted out countless times since ...
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| Addy at 6 months. I really should take photos of her now to show her much longer hair. (All these photos taken by MW, Skip's aide, who is totally besotted with these pups.) |
Last night was Addy's turn. I went to sleep around 11pm. Addy started whining around 1am. I don't wake up from the whining, Skip does and then has to wake me up. I finally got tired of Skip bugging me about the whining and got up and took her out. It isn't all that uncommon for Addy to go out in the middle of the night. Ruby is smart enough to "take care of business" before going to bed but Addy, despite being almost 2, hasn't got that down and about 1 in 3 nights she whines to go out in the middle of the night.
What is uncommon is a second bout of whining. At 3:30, Addy whined and whined. And I finally, with much crankiness, got up. Turns out, all she wanted was a drink of water! Grrrrr.
Admittedly, though, regardless of what any of them do, I still love all my high maintenance girls.
Bonus Content: when I looked through the album that had the photo above, I found this great series of something I've seen acted out countless times since ...
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| This series of photos shows a scenario that is played out almost daily between the two pups. Ruby has a piece of rawhide she's chewing. Addy comes closer. Ruby holds her head up, perfectly still, Addy moves in and takes the bone without resistance from Ruby. Addy chews on it for a minute and then discards it ... fun is over for her now that she has stolen it. |
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Flap
As those who have read my blog for a while know, Skip has been bothered by pressure sores on her butt off and on for the last 2 years. The first one, that lasted from the fall of 2009 until May 2010. It was huge and got so deep it exposed bone, which eventually became infected. That whole horrible scene included 5-1/2 weeks in the hospital and rehab primarily to administer IV antibiotics for the bone infection.
So, once that wound healed up we thought she was done with those troubles. Unfortunately, some months later, a small irritation started up on top of the area on her butt where the monster wound had been. This irritation slowly but surely morphed into a real live small wound that has resisted all attempts to get it to heal. Finally, her wound nurse recommended Skip try out the wound center at Brigham and Women's Hospital (BWH) in Boston. She thought they might recommend flap surgery.
Well, that's just what they did. Apparently, large pressure sores that heal often leave in their wake a lot of scar tissue. The scar tissue makes the whole area more unstable and prone for sores, making it likely that Skip would continue to have them there pretty much continuously.
The surgery would involve removing this scar tissue and replacing it with donor tissue from Skip's thigh. The procedure doesn't take too long, just a few hours. A typical hospital stay following the surgery is 3-4 days. Then, Skip will be transferred home via ambulance (so she doesn't have to sit up) to spend the next 6 weeks in bed. The long bed rest is necessary for proper healing. Only about half of the flap surgeries performed succeed but those who are compliant with their bed rest have much higher success rates.
Not surprisingly, Skip is very nervous about this surgery. I would too, in her shoes. But we're both confident this is the best approach to help her, ideally, live sore-free going forward.
So, once that wound healed up we thought she was done with those troubles. Unfortunately, some months later, a small irritation started up on top of the area on her butt where the monster wound had been. This irritation slowly but surely morphed into a real live small wound that has resisted all attempts to get it to heal. Finally, her wound nurse recommended Skip try out the wound center at Brigham and Women's Hospital (BWH) in Boston. She thought they might recommend flap surgery.
Well, that's just what they did. Apparently, large pressure sores that heal often leave in their wake a lot of scar tissue. The scar tissue makes the whole area more unstable and prone for sores, making it likely that Skip would continue to have them there pretty much continuously.
The surgery would involve removing this scar tissue and replacing it with donor tissue from Skip's thigh. The procedure doesn't take too long, just a few hours. A typical hospital stay following the surgery is 3-4 days. Then, Skip will be transferred home via ambulance (so she doesn't have to sit up) to spend the next 6 weeks in bed. The long bed rest is necessary for proper healing. Only about half of the flap surgeries performed succeed but those who are compliant with their bed rest have much higher success rates.
Not surprisingly, Skip is very nervous about this surgery. I would too, in her shoes. But we're both confident this is the best approach to help her, ideally, live sore-free going forward.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Off to the Dentist
I took Skip to an oral surgeon today to have a tooth extracted. We were there for well over 2 hours, but it all worked out very well. The dentist used novacaine rather than anesthesia so it took quite a while for the numbness to really set in, which accounted for most of the time we were there. The extraction itself only took about 5 minutes.
For a while, we were on a bit of a hiatus for Skip going to the dentist because we couldn't figure out how to get her transferred into the dentist chair. Up until about 3 years ago, I would use our "pick and plop" move for the transfer: put Skip's wheelchair beside the dentist chair, grab her upper arms, pull her up out of the wheelchair, swivel her around to the dentist chair and then plop her down. It's been so long since I've done that, as I tried to remember the steps, I couldn't believe I really did that move multiple times in a day for every transfer, day after day, for many years.
So, anyway, as I was saying, Skip had to stop going to the dentist for a while as we tried to figure out a new way to get her into the dentist chair. We finally realized that putting a twin sheet folded in half under Skip in the wheelchair could work like a sling to lift her with. We first tried it with MW, Skip's intrepid aide. MW is strong and very tall for a woman, perhaps a bit taller than me and I'm 5'11". She stood at Skip's head, me at her feet. Picking up the four corners of the sheet, we were able to transfer her safely into the dentist chair. Woo hoo! MW has had 2 shoulder surgeries since then, so we hornswaggled my brother into helping out. Today's transfer was absolutely the smoothest ever. The dentist's assistant even commented on how it was the best she'd ever seen.
We filled a Tylenol with codeine prescription on the way home and Skip took one even before the novacaine wore off to try to minimize the pain. After an early dinner, I put her to bed. When I came in from doing the dishes, she told me her tooth was bothering her and I suggested she try to sleep. Shortly after assuring me she couldn't fall asleep before 11, I heard her light snoring. It's 9:30. Sleep well, Skip!
For a while, we were on a bit of a hiatus for Skip going to the dentist because we couldn't figure out how to get her transferred into the dentist chair. Up until about 3 years ago, I would use our "pick and plop" move for the transfer: put Skip's wheelchair beside the dentist chair, grab her upper arms, pull her up out of the wheelchair, swivel her around to the dentist chair and then plop her down. It's been so long since I've done that, as I tried to remember the steps, I couldn't believe I really did that move multiple times in a day for every transfer, day after day, for many years.
So, anyway, as I was saying, Skip had to stop going to the dentist for a while as we tried to figure out a new way to get her into the dentist chair. We finally realized that putting a twin sheet folded in half under Skip in the wheelchair could work like a sling to lift her with. We first tried it with MW, Skip's intrepid aide. MW is strong and very tall for a woman, perhaps a bit taller than me and I'm 5'11". She stood at Skip's head, me at her feet. Picking up the four corners of the sheet, we were able to transfer her safely into the dentist chair. Woo hoo! MW has had 2 shoulder surgeries since then, so we hornswaggled my brother into helping out. Today's transfer was absolutely the smoothest ever. The dentist's assistant even commented on how it was the best she'd ever seen.
We filled a Tylenol with codeine prescription on the way home and Skip took one even before the novacaine wore off to try to minimize the pain. After an early dinner, I put her to bed. When I came in from doing the dishes, she told me her tooth was bothering her and I suggested she try to sleep. Shortly after assuring me she couldn't fall asleep before 11, I heard her light snoring. It's 9:30. Sleep well, Skip!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Feeling Good
It's day 7 on Weight Watchers and I'm very happy I started back on the program. I've experienced a definite improvement in my outlook, going from pessimistic to optimistic. Using the WW program gives me some control over a bad situation. I felt like I was just going to continue gaining weight and getting further out of shape, compromising my ability to be a good caregiver and impacting my longevity (I now realize at 55 that I won't live forever!). Losing weight and getting active helps to turn this 180 degrees -- taking care of Skip and, most importantly, taking care of myself.
It feels great to be doing something positive for myself.
It feels great to be doing something positive for myself.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Weight Watchers
I joined Weight Watchers yesterday. I'd like to lose about 75 pounds. I'm trying out the online version, rather than go to the meetings. If it turns out that I feel I'm lacking motivation or falling off the "wagon" using the online version, I'll start going to the meetings, but I'm hoping it'll work out with the online only approach.
Over a 2 year period from 1999-2000, I lost 98 pounds using Weight Watchers. I felt great, was physically active, and enjoyed having a far greater set of clothes options available. Slowly but surely, 75% of those pounds have returned. And they're weighing down this mid-50s body.
The program has the core concept of "points" that you allocate to your food for the day, but the calculation of points has changed quite a bit since I last worked the program, so I'll need to dig in and figure out how it works. This is a good thing for me. The more I dive in and learn, the better the new model will stick with me.
I love to eat but, honestly, I feel I'd rather feel healthier and be more physically fit than eat to my heart's content. Gotta get in shape to make sure I can take care of Skip in the years to come!
Over a 2 year period from 1999-2000, I lost 98 pounds using Weight Watchers. I felt great, was physically active, and enjoyed having a far greater set of clothes options available. Slowly but surely, 75% of those pounds have returned. And they're weighing down this mid-50s body.
The program has the core concept of "points" that you allocate to your food for the day, but the calculation of points has changed quite a bit since I last worked the program, so I'll need to dig in and figure out how it works. This is a good thing for me. The more I dive in and learn, the better the new model will stick with me.
I love to eat but, honestly, I feel I'd rather feel healthier and be more physically fit than eat to my heart's content. Gotta get in shape to make sure I can take care of Skip in the years to come!
Friday, December 23, 2011
A Quiet Christmas For Us
We've got a low-key Christmas going this year. No big parties here at the house. And, we aren't giving each other too many gifts, unlike years past. We have so much stuff, it's hard to rationalize spending money on more things we don't need. This is sad for Skip because she is a great gift-giver. Picks out great things to give me. She's also a great gift-picker, finding things for me to give her!
On Christmas day, we're having brunch with my mother at her new home. She sold her house on the Cape this fall and now lives in a very nice independent living apartment in central Massachusetts. (She's encouraging us to move there, but we're still 7 years from age eligibility.) We went there for Thanksgiving and the brunch was very good; we're expecting another good meal on Christmas. Then, we'll head back to her apartment to exchange stockings and visit. She'll let me put football on the tv. My brother's son got married this fall, and that nephew and his wife will be stopping by for a visit since they're heading off on vacation the next day.
On the 30th, we'll be getting together with my mother, my siblings and their kids for a family celebration. We'll be having this shindig at my mother's place, where they have a private dining room for family get-togethers. My brother's 3 kids are all adults now and my sister's two sets of twin boys are 16 and 20. I'm not very good with kids, so it was hard for me to chat them up when they were young. Now, I enjoy their company very much so these get-togethers are really fun for me. The fact that we'll be at my mom's and none of has to cook or clean up is just an added bonus.
We used to host a party for Skip's brothers who live in the area and their kids and grandkids but we skipped a year some years back and never brought it back. We will be seeing 2 of Skip's brothers and a sister-in-law for dinner in early January, though.
Even though we're not exchanging a lot of gifts, we're not completely done. Guess I'll have to get out today or tomorrow and finish up!
On Christmas day, we're having brunch with my mother at her new home. She sold her house on the Cape this fall and now lives in a very nice independent living apartment in central Massachusetts. (She's encouraging us to move there, but we're still 7 years from age eligibility.) We went there for Thanksgiving and the brunch was very good; we're expecting another good meal on Christmas. Then, we'll head back to her apartment to exchange stockings and visit. She'll let me put football on the tv. My brother's son got married this fall, and that nephew and his wife will be stopping by for a visit since they're heading off on vacation the next day.
On the 30th, we'll be getting together with my mother, my siblings and their kids for a family celebration. We'll be having this shindig at my mother's place, where they have a private dining room for family get-togethers. My brother's 3 kids are all adults now and my sister's two sets of twin boys are 16 and 20. I'm not very good with kids, so it was hard for me to chat them up when they were young. Now, I enjoy their company very much so these get-togethers are really fun for me. The fact that we'll be at my mom's and none of has to cook or clean up is just an added bonus.
We used to host a party for Skip's brothers who live in the area and their kids and grandkids but we skipped a year some years back and never brought it back. We will be seeing 2 of Skip's brothers and a sister-in-law for dinner in early January, though.
Even though we're not exchanging a lot of gifts, we're not completely done. Guess I'll have to get out today or tomorrow and finish up!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I Worry
Let's just say right up front here that I am not a worrier by nature. I expect positive outcomes and I rarely worry about the bad things that could happen. All this in spite of Skip's 20+ years of progressive MS.
But now I worry about one thing in particular ... breaking down when Skip's in the car. I've mused here and there about it ever since our vacation in Maine in August 2009. I spent a good amount of time in the 3 hour drive to Maine worrying about what would happen if we broke down. The car contained Skip, two dogs and me along with an unbelievable amount of stuff, such as a 5' ramp and a hoyer lift. Of course, we didn't break down on the way up or the way home.
In fact, we have only broken down once in the last 25 years of driving and it happened in summer 2010 (so does this mean I shouldn't worry about this?). Ironically, it happened a day after I spent way too much money having tons and tons of preventive maintenance done on our car. Some kind of cable moved out of position and I couldn't put the car into drive. Turns out it was caused by that preventive maintenance. The car had to be towed, and we had quite a time finding a handicapped-accessible cab to get us home.
But our Honda Element with wheelchair mods (aka the Toaster) isn't brand new anymore. Right now, it's only 6 years old with a bit less than 60,000 miles on it. My plan is to keep it for as long as possible, ideally for another 100,000 miles.
I think I worry because it would be so difficult to get Skip home safely and easily from a breakdown.
What would happen if we did indeed break down? Let's say the wrecker dispatched by AAA comes and he needs to tow us somewhere. We can't hop into the front seat of the wrecker and drive with him. Skip can't stay in the Element while it's towed. So where does she go? How does she get home? So far, I've thought of using a handicapped cab (not available everywhere), an ambulance (big expense, and I don't see how we get the wheelchair into it), and lifting her out of her wheelchair and into a regular car, but that would require leaving behind the wheelchair in the car and at least 3 or 4 folks to make the transfer both into and out of the car.
I'm sure there's other options I haven't thought of. Any ideas? I'd love to have some solutions in my pocket in advance of any traveling.
But now I worry about one thing in particular ... breaking down when Skip's in the car. I've mused here and there about it ever since our vacation in Maine in August 2009. I spent a good amount of time in the 3 hour drive to Maine worrying about what would happen if we broke down. The car contained Skip, two dogs and me along with an unbelievable amount of stuff, such as a 5' ramp and a hoyer lift. Of course, we didn't break down on the way up or the way home.
In fact, we have only broken down once in the last 25 years of driving and it happened in summer 2010 (so does this mean I shouldn't worry about this?). Ironically, it happened a day after I spent way too much money having tons and tons of preventive maintenance done on our car. Some kind of cable moved out of position and I couldn't put the car into drive. Turns out it was caused by that preventive maintenance. The car had to be towed, and we had quite a time finding a handicapped-accessible cab to get us home.
But our Honda Element with wheelchair mods (aka the Toaster) isn't brand new anymore. Right now, it's only 6 years old with a bit less than 60,000 miles on it. My plan is to keep it for as long as possible, ideally for another 100,000 miles.
I think I worry because it would be so difficult to get Skip home safely and easily from a breakdown.
What would happen if we did indeed break down? Let's say the wrecker dispatched by AAA comes and he needs to tow us somewhere. We can't hop into the front seat of the wrecker and drive with him. Skip can't stay in the Element while it's towed. So where does she go? How does she get home? So far, I've thought of using a handicapped cab (not available everywhere), an ambulance (big expense, and I don't see how we get the wheelchair into it), and lifting her out of her wheelchair and into a regular car, but that would require leaving behind the wheelchair in the car and at least 3 or 4 folks to make the transfer both into and out of the car.
I'm sure there's other options I haven't thought of. Any ideas? I'd love to have some solutions in my pocket in advance of any traveling.
Monday, December 19, 2011
New Stuff on the Right-Hand Nav Bar
I've added 2 new items on the right-hand side of my blog: a space to replay my last 5 tweets and a list of the most popular blog posts. Of course, so far, I've only tweeted twice, but one of those tweets was a test text sent from my phone, so it'll be easy to add updates going forward. When I was looking for the tweet gadget, I noticed another gadget for listing your most popular posts. I thought that'd be fun for a while. Not surprisingly, most of the popular ones are about caregiver aids, since those are the ones that'd show up in Google searches. Because, from experience, I haven't found much online about things like our modified Honda Element (called the XWAV) or the lift system (Surehands) that we've got installed in the bedroom and bathroom. But why was a post about going to a Halloween party with or without a costume a top post?
Thursday, November 24, 2011
October Nor'easter
Suffice it to say, we don't get snow in Massachusetts in October. We barely get it in November and often don't even have a white Christmas. Turns out it's a good thing we don't get it that early. When heavy, wet snow lands on trees still filled with leaves, trees and limbs fall on power lines and lights go out.
For us, the power went out at 3am on Sunday, October 30th. The storm had started early on Saturday evening. We only got a few inches of snow, but it was very, very wet. We kept the heat up higher than normal through the night just in case we lost power, so the house would stay as warm as possible. Skip has a low air loss mattress on her hospital bed to help with her pressure sore. To stay inflated, the mattress requires electricity. We have a battery backup that lasts for about 80 minutes. From previous outages, we knew it wasn't too uncomfortable for her to lie in the deflated bed for a number of hours.
When we woke up in the morning, I figured we'd need to book a hotel room as soon as possible, before they were all taken by others in the same situation. We could always cancel before the evening if the power came back on. Here in the suburbs of Boston, there are plenty of hotels around like Courtyards and Embassy Suites. The first handful I called either didn't answer or answered and said they had no power. On the fourth try, I found a place with rooms and power but they didn't take dogs; fortunately, they had a sister property nearby that did.
We still had hot water (thanks to gas heat!). Skip's aide came in the early afternoon and bathed her, dressed her and got her up. The aide had a hard time getting to our house because there were trees down all over the place including multiple trees down on the street just before ours. Multiple lines were down. From that, we knew it would be a long while before power came back on.
With a fully packed car (boy, the disabled sure need a lot of crap to get through the day. I used to take multi-day trips for business with just a rolling suitcase that fit in the overhead compartment on a plane. That suitcase was about 1/10th of our load.), we drove over to the hotel. The setup for guests with dogs was excellent. Our room was on the ground floor with a second entrance out the back leading to plenty of space for dog-walking.
The room itself was great. Plenty of space to get around with the wheelchair, nice furnishings and quite clean.
At home, we have a system for transferring Skip installed in the ceiling of our bedroom. We also have a Hoyer lift that a friend gave us after her mother, who had MS, died (we used to have a manual one, but this baby had power!). At bedtime, it worked like a charm for the transfer at the hotel, able to get Skip up plenty high to get onto the higher than normal hotel bed.
I don't know how Skip is so brave, allowing herself to be hoisted up for transfers. She is so accepting of this stuff, never freaking out. She's calmly handled a crew hauling her in her chair up a flight of stairs on more than one occasion. I know I wouldn't handle it with such grace. At home, these transfers are old hat, but this definitely was not. So, we walked through each step of the transfer beforehand. Just knowing what's coming makes things easier for her.
We ended up staying 2 nights at the hotel. Ruby, who is a mellow dog, settled right in. She spent her time chilling on the bed (after just a short bit of sniffing around when we first got there) and was fine going out on a leash. Addy, not so much. Lots of investingating. Wouldn't pee when I took them out. Once she lasted 16 hours before finally going. Barking when she heard noise out in the hall. Slowly but surely, she got used to her new surroundings.
On Tuesday morning, we knew we wouldn't be able to stay another night as the hotel was fully booked. Power still wasn't on at home, though the power company web site said our town's power should be restored everywhere by midnight that night. We decided we'd head down to the Cape and stay at my mother's house overnight. My mom just sold her house and was moving on November 3rd, so I needed to be there, helping her, my sister and brother pack up. This also was a chance for Skip to get one last visit to the house that had been my parents' home for 20+ years. The last time there for her was a short visit after my father's memorial service in June 2010. We hadn't stayed overnight in years because, though accessible, the guest bedroom and bathroom were hard for Skip to manage. With the Hoyer, we'd be able to handle it.
We ended up staying two nights even though the power came on at home Tuesday evening (when the answering machine answered the phone, I knew the power was back). I was able to spend a lot of time packing and Skip got an extended visit with my mom.
I'd rather have not had to spend the money on the hotel and restocking the refrigerator, but otherwise, this turned out to be a fun change of pace. We haven't traveled since our 2-week vacation in Maine two summers ago. Skip's now more disabled, primarily due to her 5+ week hospitalization from her bone infection in late 2010. I'd love to be able to travel again. This short stay in a hotel proved we can do it successfully. Skip spends a lot of time in bed and only gets out about once a week, so this was a great chance for her to getaway. And, Addy isn't very good with new people. She barks, she has submissive pee issues. In the 4 day period of traveling, she met lots of new people and experienced lots of new things. Since getting home, when we send her outside to greet the nurses and aides who come to the house, she's not peeing as much. Let's hope this trend continues.
Dreaming of all those different places we might go to ...
For us, the power went out at 3am on Sunday, October 30th. The storm had started early on Saturday evening. We only got a few inches of snow, but it was very, very wet. We kept the heat up higher than normal through the night just in case we lost power, so the house would stay as warm as possible. Skip has a low air loss mattress on her hospital bed to help with her pressure sore. To stay inflated, the mattress requires electricity. We have a battery backup that lasts for about 80 minutes. From previous outages, we knew it wasn't too uncomfortable for her to lie in the deflated bed for a number of hours.
When we woke up in the morning, I figured we'd need to book a hotel room as soon as possible, before they were all taken by others in the same situation. We could always cancel before the evening if the power came back on. Here in the suburbs of Boston, there are plenty of hotels around like Courtyards and Embassy Suites. The first handful I called either didn't answer or answered and said they had no power. On the fourth try, I found a place with rooms and power but they didn't take dogs; fortunately, they had a sister property nearby that did.
We still had hot water (thanks to gas heat!). Skip's aide came in the early afternoon and bathed her, dressed her and got her up. The aide had a hard time getting to our house because there were trees down all over the place including multiple trees down on the street just before ours. Multiple lines were down. From that, we knew it would be a long while before power came back on.
With a fully packed car (boy, the disabled sure need a lot of crap to get through the day. I used to take multi-day trips for business with just a rolling suitcase that fit in the overhead compartment on a plane. That suitcase was about 1/10th of our load.), we drove over to the hotel. The setup for guests with dogs was excellent. Our room was on the ground floor with a second entrance out the back leading to plenty of space for dog-walking.
The room itself was great. Plenty of space to get around with the wheelchair, nice furnishings and quite clean.
At home, we have a system for transferring Skip installed in the ceiling of our bedroom. We also have a Hoyer lift that a friend gave us after her mother, who had MS, died (we used to have a manual one, but this baby had power!). At bedtime, it worked like a charm for the transfer at the hotel, able to get Skip up plenty high to get onto the higher than normal hotel bed.
I don't know how Skip is so brave, allowing herself to be hoisted up for transfers. She is so accepting of this stuff, never freaking out. She's calmly handled a crew hauling her in her chair up a flight of stairs on more than one occasion. I know I wouldn't handle it with such grace. At home, these transfers are old hat, but this definitely was not. So, we walked through each step of the transfer beforehand. Just knowing what's coming makes things easier for her.
We ended up staying 2 nights at the hotel. Ruby, who is a mellow dog, settled right in. She spent her time chilling on the bed (after just a short bit of sniffing around when we first got there) and was fine going out on a leash. Addy, not so much. Lots of investingating. Wouldn't pee when I took them out. Once she lasted 16 hours before finally going. Barking when she heard noise out in the hall. Slowly but surely, she got used to her new surroundings.
On Tuesday morning, we knew we wouldn't be able to stay another night as the hotel was fully booked. Power still wasn't on at home, though the power company web site said our town's power should be restored everywhere by midnight that night. We decided we'd head down to the Cape and stay at my mother's house overnight. My mom just sold her house and was moving on November 3rd, so I needed to be there, helping her, my sister and brother pack up. This also was a chance for Skip to get one last visit to the house that had been my parents' home for 20+ years. The last time there for her was a short visit after my father's memorial service in June 2010. We hadn't stayed overnight in years because, though accessible, the guest bedroom and bathroom were hard for Skip to manage. With the Hoyer, we'd be able to handle it.
We ended up staying two nights even though the power came on at home Tuesday evening (when the answering machine answered the phone, I knew the power was back). I was able to spend a lot of time packing and Skip got an extended visit with my mom.
I'd rather have not had to spend the money on the hotel and restocking the refrigerator, but otherwise, this turned out to be a fun change of pace. We haven't traveled since our 2-week vacation in Maine two summers ago. Skip's now more disabled, primarily due to her 5+ week hospitalization from her bone infection in late 2010. I'd love to be able to travel again. This short stay in a hotel proved we can do it successfully. Skip spends a lot of time in bed and only gets out about once a week, so this was a great chance for her to getaway. And, Addy isn't very good with new people. She barks, she has submissive pee issues. In the 4 day period of traveling, she met lots of new people and experienced lots of new things. Since getting home, when we send her outside to greet the nurses and aides who come to the house, she's not peeing as much. Let's hope this trend continues.
Dreaming of all those different places we might go to ...
Sunday, November 20, 2011
I'm Back!
Over the last 8 months, since I closed the door on posting to this blog, I've often thought that the experiences I was going through, the things happening to Skip or my musings of the moment would be good items for posting here. So, I've decided to get back in the saddle.
So let's bring everyone up to speed on our little family and its current state ...
Skip and I celebrated our 30th year together in August. Yikes! How did that happen? How did we get that old?
Skip's MS is about the same as it was last March, though she says her left hand has gotten worse. Fortunately, she can still feed herself most of the time and manages to do a lot of surfing on her computer. Ruby recovered beautifully from her back surgery last February and dropped 6 pounds (20-25% of her body weight) because we changed how we fed her. She's gotten quite spry. Addy will be 2 at the end of January, so she's a teenager now. Still rambunctious and a barker. Her long hair is just beautiful and I'll have to post some photos so you can see what I mean. In many ways, she reminds me of the dearly departed Sally, with her extreme lovingness to both of us and her total attachment to me. Unlike Sally, though, she has not managed to piss off any skunks and remains unsprayed to date (Sally got sprayed 5 times in her short 4 years of life).
And me? Well, I'm still unemployed. Whenever I stop to think about it, I wonder how I managed to be a caregiver and work a very demanding job for all those years. Because, let's be honest, being a caregiver is a demanding job in and of itself. I know part of it was accomplished by being perenially sleep deprived. And, I pretty much always had a neverending to do list that nagged at me. No longer am I tired and behind on things. Also, I seem to be slowly but surely gaining back all those pounds I lost in my early 40s. Unfortunately, the additional discretionary time in my day hasn't resulted in my getting any exercise. This needs to change.
I've got some stories I want to share so will be posting these in the coming days and weeks. I look forward to writing them and hearing your thoughts on them.
So let's bring everyone up to speed on our little family and its current state ...
Skip and I celebrated our 30th year together in August. Yikes! How did that happen? How did we get that old?
Skip's MS is about the same as it was last March, though she says her left hand has gotten worse. Fortunately, she can still feed herself most of the time and manages to do a lot of surfing on her computer. Ruby recovered beautifully from her back surgery last February and dropped 6 pounds (20-25% of her body weight) because we changed how we fed her. She's gotten quite spry. Addy will be 2 at the end of January, so she's a teenager now. Still rambunctious and a barker. Her long hair is just beautiful and I'll have to post some photos so you can see what I mean. In many ways, she reminds me of the dearly departed Sally, with her extreme lovingness to both of us and her total attachment to me. Unlike Sally, though, she has not managed to piss off any skunks and remains unsprayed to date (Sally got sprayed 5 times in her short 4 years of life).
And me? Well, I'm still unemployed. Whenever I stop to think about it, I wonder how I managed to be a caregiver and work a very demanding job for all those years. Because, let's be honest, being a caregiver is a demanding job in and of itself. I know part of it was accomplished by being perenially sleep deprived. And, I pretty much always had a neverending to do list that nagged at me. No longer am I tired and behind on things. Also, I seem to be slowly but surely gaining back all those pounds I lost in my early 40s. Unfortunately, the additional discretionary time in my day hasn't resulted in my getting any exercise. This needs to change.
I've got some stories I want to share so will be posting these in the coming days and weeks. I look forward to writing them and hearing your thoughts on them.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Let's Call it a Day
I see it's been 3 months since I've posted here. I think that, in and of itself, tells the story ... that I've lost the momentum and enthusiasm for these musings. I very much enjoyed creating this blog, using it as a means to tell stories and think through some of the challenges and my reactions to caregiving life. But, while I often think of things that I could mention on the blog, I no longer find myself sitting down and writing a complete post.
In addition to the fun I had with writing this blog, it also opened up to me an entire community of folks who deal with the same crap every day that Skip and I deal with. Wonderful folks whose friendship and support has meant so much, especially since they have walked in my shoes or rolled in Skip's chair.
Skip and I are doing well, as are the puppies. I am still unemployed. Skip still has MS, unfortunately. Ruby had back surgery in early February and she has recovered beautifully. Addy, now 14 months old, is wonderfully loving but very vocal, barking and whining a lot. So glad I don't have to deal with all that noise while on conference calls!
This winter, I spent a lot of time working on ways to reduce our living expenses. When I was employed, I always viewed my time as the scarce resource and was willing to pay others to perform services that would have used up much of my spare time. That's no longer the case, of course, my time is not so scarce any longer. Now, no more house cleaners. I bought a snowblower to clear the driveway rather than use a plow service. I then examined our expenses such as cable tv and trash pickup to see where we could achieve some savings.
Now, it's time to move on to revenue generation.One of the things that I've recently started doing with an eye towards money-making is bidding on abandoned storage units to resell their contents. Since this is the new thing for me in my life, I've started a blog about it, storageunitspelunking.blogspot.com. Well, started at this point means I've created the site and updated my profile. Posts to come soon; feel free to join me there!
And, finally ... Thanks for all your support!
In addition to the fun I had with writing this blog, it also opened up to me an entire community of folks who deal with the same crap every day that Skip and I deal with. Wonderful folks whose friendship and support has meant so much, especially since they have walked in my shoes or rolled in Skip's chair.
Skip and I are doing well, as are the puppies. I am still unemployed. Skip still has MS, unfortunately. Ruby had back surgery in early February and she has recovered beautifully. Addy, now 14 months old, is wonderfully loving but very vocal, barking and whining a lot. So glad I don't have to deal with all that noise while on conference calls!
This winter, I spent a lot of time working on ways to reduce our living expenses. When I was employed, I always viewed my time as the scarce resource and was willing to pay others to perform services that would have used up much of my spare time. That's no longer the case, of course, my time is not so scarce any longer. Now, no more house cleaners. I bought a snowblower to clear the driveway rather than use a plow service. I then examined our expenses such as cable tv and trash pickup to see where we could achieve some savings.
Now, it's time to move on to revenue generation.One of the things that I've recently started doing with an eye towards money-making is bidding on abandoned storage units to resell their contents. Since this is the new thing for me in my life, I've started a blog about it, storageunitspelunking.blogspot.com. Well, started at this point means I've created the site and updated my profile. Posts to come soon; feel free to join me there!
And, finally ... Thanks for all your support!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Let's Call it Sabbatical
One of the severance benefits offered by my former employer is the services of an outplacement firm for six months. Although I was lukewarm, at best, about getting a new job, especially a demanding one within my former career, I thought it couldn't hurt to learn more about job-hunting and, if I was lucky, finally figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I went over and met with my career counselor a few weeks ago. He was a middle-aged guy a year or two younger than me who had worked in HR at the firm I'd recently been booted from. As such, he understands their unusual corporate culture. Since I don't plan to return there, that is of limited value, but at the very least he has some insight into the kind of work environment I'd experienced over the last 7 years.
During our meeting, I talked about my desire not to return to the kind of demanding job I'd been in. It created work/life conflicts that were stressful and increasingly unmanageable for me. And the job didn't offer any personal or professional growth. That I was thinking about retiring (as in never holding another job) or potentially finding just a "job" rather than getting back into my career work.
So we agreed to work together to see what path might work best for me.
In the meantime, he suggested I call my current state "on sabbatical" rather than "retired." Job hunting in the current day is largely managed through networking. If I tell my large network of former colleagues that I'm retired, they probably won't think of me if a good opportunity comes up. When he suggested it, I thought it was actually a perfect fit for my current state, since I am taking a hiatus from work. Who knows where I'll be at this time next year ... but for now, I'm taking a break.
I went over and met with my career counselor a few weeks ago. He was a middle-aged guy a year or two younger than me who had worked in HR at the firm I'd recently been booted from. As such, he understands their unusual corporate culture. Since I don't plan to return there, that is of limited value, but at the very least he has some insight into the kind of work environment I'd experienced over the last 7 years.
During our meeting, I talked about my desire not to return to the kind of demanding job I'd been in. It created work/life conflicts that were stressful and increasingly unmanageable for me. And the job didn't offer any personal or professional growth. That I was thinking about retiring (as in never holding another job) or potentially finding just a "job" rather than getting back into my career work.
So we agreed to work together to see what path might work best for me.
In the meantime, he suggested I call my current state "on sabbatical" rather than "retired." Job hunting in the current day is largely managed through networking. If I tell my large network of former colleagues that I'm retired, they probably won't think of me if a good opportunity comes up. When he suggested it, I thought it was actually a perfect fit for my current state, since I am taking a hiatus from work. Who knows where I'll be at this time next year ... but for now, I'm taking a break.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What a Waste!
Yesterday in our town, a young man who died in Afghanistan was buried. He was a Lieutenant in the Army and had only been in Afghanistan for a month. His death and funeral got a lot of news coverage on the Boston news stations so we were aware of his death even though we didn't know him or anyone in his family. By accident, Skip happened upon the local cable station live feed of his funeral yesterday and we watched quite a bit of it. Apparently, almost 1500 people including the Governor were in attendance.
Of course, at a funeral, the deceased's good points get the most attention, as is only right. But this young man must have been quite a wonderful person, based on the stories and reminiscences related during the service. And, the turnout spoke volumes. There are about 18,000 people in this town, so almost 10% of the population (assuming most attendees were from here) attended the funeral.
I don't want to belittle the contributions this young man made to the U.S. And, to the contributions made by other service men and women who have died in service to the country. But, honestly, all I can think of is what a waste his death was; and the wastefulness of other deaths in wars.
What if they gave a war and nobody came?
Of course, at a funeral, the deceased's good points get the most attention, as is only right. But this young man must have been quite a wonderful person, based on the stories and reminiscences related during the service. And, the turnout spoke volumes. There are about 18,000 people in this town, so almost 10% of the population (assuming most attendees were from here) attended the funeral.
I don't want to belittle the contributions this young man made to the U.S. And, to the contributions made by other service men and women who have died in service to the country. But, honestly, all I can think of is what a waste his death was; and the wastefulness of other deaths in wars.
What if they gave a war and nobody came?
Monday, October 18, 2010
So How's Skip Doing?
In the last 3 months, while I've posted on a monthly, rather than daily, basis, I haven't mentioned much about Skip.
She is happy that I'm less stressed-out since getting laid off, but worries a bit about our finances. She trusts me to figure this out, though!
It's a lot nicer for her in the mornings that she doesn't have to "share" me with a work schedule filled with conference calls and deadlines. I enjoy our mornings together. We're both creature of habit and love the new routines we have.
She has been getting a bit restless to get out. Unfortunately, with the cooler weather upon us, the patio isn't the wonderful, relaxing spot it was all summer. Last weekend, we decided to try out a "chowderfest" at the Mystic Seaport Museum in Connecticut. It was a lovely day, weather-wise, a bit cool and breezy, but sunny. We enjoyed the drive there and back. Surprisingly, the food at the chowderfest was just "ok." We did take a walk around part of the museum after lunch and saw an exhibit of antique ship figureheads that were quite cool and I took a quick tour of a tall ship docked there.
MS does slowly but surely progress. Of late, Skip's hands are experiencing the biggest impact. Her fingers are weakening, making it harder to hold silverware and use the computer keyboard. On the left hand, the fingers are curling as well. We're working on stretching them a bit; I'm happy that I have more time so special projects like stretching exercises can be done without having it feel like one more thing being piled on top. I'm confident we can get them straightened out again.
She is happy that I'm less stressed-out since getting laid off, but worries a bit about our finances. She trusts me to figure this out, though!
It's a lot nicer for her in the mornings that she doesn't have to "share" me with a work schedule filled with conference calls and deadlines. I enjoy our mornings together. We're both creature of habit and love the new routines we have.
She has been getting a bit restless to get out. Unfortunately, with the cooler weather upon us, the patio isn't the wonderful, relaxing spot it was all summer. Last weekend, we decided to try out a "chowderfest" at the Mystic Seaport Museum in Connecticut. It was a lovely day, weather-wise, a bit cool and breezy, but sunny. We enjoyed the drive there and back. Surprisingly, the food at the chowderfest was just "ok." We did take a walk around part of the museum after lunch and saw an exhibit of antique ship figureheads that were quite cool and I took a quick tour of a tall ship docked there.
MS does slowly but surely progress. Of late, Skip's hands are experiencing the biggest impact. Her fingers are weakening, making it harder to hold silverware and use the computer keyboard. On the left hand, the fingers are curling as well. We're working on stretching them a bit; I'm happy that I have more time so special projects like stretching exercises can be done without having it feel like one more thing being piled on top. I'm confident we can get them straightened out again.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Test Driving Retirement
Years ago, in the naivete of youth, I thought I'd retire at 50. Then, it moved out to 55. Then, as Skip's disease progressed and we started having expenses I hadn't anticipated, such as for household assistance, I figured we were looking at many more years of employment before I could retire ... would probably have to delay until 62. And, since I worked at home, I figured I was extending the years during which I could work without issue, since I could care for Skip intermittently during the work day.
I should point out that I've pretty much wanted to retire since I began working. I know there are some people out there who don't want to stop working. I do not count myself among them. I've enjoyed aspects of all my jobs and found satisfaction from them in many ways, but always looked forward to the day when my time wasn't spoken for by an employer. Maybe this is because I've never found a job that I was passionate about.
After being laid off, as I thought about finding a new job -- learning the ropes, having all those new responsibilities -- the prospect of imminent retirement looked better and better. I've found it very hard over the last few years to handle the triad of responsibilities for caregiving, a demanding job and self-care. And, when anything got deferred on the margin, it was always the self-care that got kicked to the curb. I thought if I didn't have to manage a job, I might actually start exercising, cooking healthfully and getting more sleep, all things I'd stopped over the last few years.
Also, if it turns out we can't swing retirement financially, having a significant gap in my resume isn't likely to be a huge issue during this "jobless recovery." There are millions of folks in the US who have been jobless for really long periods of time. Otherwise, the President and Congress wouldn't have extended unemployment benefits for up to 99 weeks. (Unfortunately, this extension is only in force for the folks who were unemployment in May 2010.)
I am still browsing the career sites and the sites of companies that I know employ home-based employees. Keeping those options open while I give retirement a spin!
I should point out that I've pretty much wanted to retire since I began working. I know there are some people out there who don't want to stop working. I do not count myself among them. I've enjoyed aspects of all my jobs and found satisfaction from them in many ways, but always looked forward to the day when my time wasn't spoken for by an employer. Maybe this is because I've never found a job that I was passionate about.
After being laid off, as I thought about finding a new job -- learning the ropes, having all those new responsibilities -- the prospect of imminent retirement looked better and better. I've found it very hard over the last few years to handle the triad of responsibilities for caregiving, a demanding job and self-care. And, when anything got deferred on the margin, it was always the self-care that got kicked to the curb. I thought if I didn't have to manage a job, I might actually start exercising, cooking healthfully and getting more sleep, all things I'd stopped over the last few years.
Also, if it turns out we can't swing retirement financially, having a significant gap in my resume isn't likely to be a huge issue during this "jobless recovery." There are millions of folks in the US who have been jobless for really long periods of time. Otherwise, the President and Congress wouldn't have extended unemployment benefits for up to 99 weeks. (Unfortunately, this extension is only in force for the folks who were unemployment in May 2010.)
I am still browsing the career sites and the sites of companies that I know employ home-based employees. Keeping those options open while I give retirement a spin!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
A New Phase Begins
Today, I am unemployed. Yesterday, my employer of over 7 years laid me off and today was my last day of work. The layoff process was quite different from when I was laid off from another company in 2002. That day, there was an armed guard in the lobby of our office building to ensure we meekly accepted our booting. And, once we received word of our dismissal, not one moment more was spent working. Turn over your laptop and head out the door. Here, at least, I got one day to try and do a brain dump for my colleagues who will be left to carry on managing the 25 balls I had flying through the air.
I have experienced a lot of emotions over the last 36 hours. I'd say they are surprise, anger, sadness, relief, euphoria, bitterness, euphoria, melancholy, euphoria and a sense of loss as I bid goodbye to my work friends and my ability to exercise my professional skills (at least for now). It's been a revelation to me in the last day and half to realize just how much the demands of this job weighed on me; as the burden has gone the spirit has lifted dramatically. I see now that I can be happy again.
My severance package is generous and I do not have an immediate need to find a new job. This is a wonderful gift as I sit here at 54 and contemplate a time of respite. I want to take some time to 1) enjoy this period of freedom, 2) find ways to cut expenses from our day-to-life so our income needs drop and then 3) figure out what I can do for employment that will give me the flexibility to work from home and provide a measure of personal and professional fulfillment. This is a journey I'm looking forward to. Of course, there will also be plenty of time for relaxation.
I have experienced a lot of emotions over the last 36 hours. I'd say they are surprise, anger, sadness, relief, euphoria, bitterness, euphoria, melancholy, euphoria and a sense of loss as I bid goodbye to my work friends and my ability to exercise my professional skills (at least for now). It's been a revelation to me in the last day and half to realize just how much the demands of this job weighed on me; as the burden has gone the spirit has lifted dramatically. I see now that I can be happy again.
My severance package is generous and I do not have an immediate need to find a new job. This is a wonderful gift as I sit here at 54 and contemplate a time of respite. I want to take some time to 1) enjoy this period of freedom, 2) find ways to cut expenses from our day-to-life so our income needs drop and then 3) figure out what I can do for employment that will give me the flexibility to work from home and provide a measure of personal and professional fulfillment. This is a journey I'm looking forward to. Of course, there will also be plenty of time for relaxation.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Break Over, Back to Blogging!
I stopped blogging, primarily because I was in a horrible funk. Perhaps the worst ever. I have come to some realizations about myself over the last week or so that have helped me emerge from that funk. So, I'm back to feeling positive enough about myself and my life that I can post once again.
My Dad's memorial service turned out to be excellent. When I had reviewed the program at my Mom's a week or so prior to the event, I thought there was so much music it would go on forever. However, most of the pieces were short, so it wasn't overly long. And, the brass choir (2 trumpets, tuba, french horn, trombone) that performed most of the pieces was absolutely wonderful. I enjoyed the eulogy as well. There was a lot of humor and reminiscence at the outset, but the minister wrapped with a wonderful and moving insight into my father's perspective on life:
This rang so true to me. My Dad did have that positive outlook on life, but it wasn't just that some miracle would occur that would make everything come out ok, it's that we could positively influence our lives through our individual and collective efforts.
I used to feel that way, too. The long, downhill slide of MS and the unrelenting demands of caregiving have eroded that cheerful, positive outlook I once had. It is a goal of mine to regain that positivity. After all, we have a history of continually facing new challenges that we overcome. We can perservere despite all that MS has stolen from Skip.
Other updates ...
* * * * *
My Dad's memorial service turned out to be excellent. When I had reviewed the program at my Mom's a week or so prior to the event, I thought there was so much music it would go on forever. However, most of the pieces were short, so it wasn't overly long. And, the brass choir (2 trumpets, tuba, french horn, trombone) that performed most of the pieces was absolutely wonderful. I enjoyed the eulogy as well. There was a lot of humor and reminiscence at the outset, but the minister wrapped with a wonderful and moving insight into my father's perspective on life:
He enjoyed almost everything he did - cutting brush, hunting, meetings, arguments, concerts, eating, taking naps. It seemed to me that any time I’d see John, regardless of what he was doing, he had a kind of half-smile on his face - working, playing, listening, talking. He embodied a sense that life was good.
I think his capacity to enjoy was the source of his confidence, his unquestioning conviction that things would work out, that we’d find a way, that, if we did our part, all would be well. John really believed that all would be well, and this is why, I think, we liked to be with him, and work with him and catch his faith in the future.
This rang so true to me. My Dad did have that positive outlook on life, but it wasn't just that some miracle would occur that would make everything come out ok, it's that we could positively influence our lives through our individual and collective efforts.
I used to feel that way, too. The long, downhill slide of MS and the unrelenting demands of caregiving have eroded that cheerful, positive outlook I once had. It is a goal of mine to regain that positivity. After all, we have a history of continually facing new challenges that we overcome. We can perservere despite all that MS has stolen from Skip.
Other updates ...
- I ended up not speaking at the reception following the Memorial Service. I decided it was stressing me out thinking about it, so shed the stress by choosing not to. My sister spoke, she had prepared notes she read from, and did a lovely job. Lots of others got up and spoke off the cuff, most telling funny and moving anecdotes about my Dad.
- Addy is 6 months old today. She's still a handful but a wonderful, loving puppy to have around. We were experiencing some real behavior problems, so a few weeks back had a woman who specializes in puppy problems come over for an hour and evaluate what was going on. She gave us some useful tips for getting better control over Addy and they've paid off beautifully.
- My vacation, right after the Memorial Service, had two distinct phases. The first week, I was incredibly indolent, doing as little as possible. By the second week, I was able to dust off the to do list I'd prepared and actually got a few things done. Skip and I went to a nearby museum for an afternoon's visit. It's called the Higgins Armory, and specializes in armor through the centuries. I'd been wanting to go there for a long time and even Skip ended up enjoying it, though she was very disappointed in the gift shop at the end. I also had a chance to visit my Mom for a few day trips during the second week, avoiding the summertime weekend traffic to/from the Cape.
- Yesterday was my birthday. Skip had seen a review on TV of a Mexican restaurant about 30 minutes from here that sounded excellent so we decided to celebrate it there. Skip was never much on spicy food until recently and now it's as if she can't get enough of it. The service was excellent, the housemade guacamole came in 3 different varieties (we tried each), each dish we had was very good and I even drank margaritas. I hardly ever drink, but I just wanted to break out of my set-in-stone routine for the evening, so we got a pitcher of Sangria Margaritas.
* * * * *
At the top of this post, I mentioned that I'd come to some realizations about myself. I know I often joke about being cranky in this blog, but the reality is that, of late, I've been angry a lot and it's no joke. And, you know what I've found? That expressing that anger just amplifies it, it doesn't dissipate it, as conventional wisdom says. And, if you try to step back, take a breath, and react appropriately to the situation rather that in an angry way, it often fails. So, I'm trying not to express my anger or act appropriately, but to just shut up when I feel angry. I'd say I'm succeeding about 70% of the time, but that's been a wonderful experience for me and for Skip as well, who gets to hear me rant and rave far too often.
Since taking this approach, I've felt a weight lift from my mental state. I feel angry less often. I feel less guilty about being angry and ranting. It's been so much easier to have a positive mental attitude when I haven't been walking through the world with a cloud over my head (like Joe Btfsplk in L'il Abner).
Now, if only I could lose a few pounds!
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