It's Really Here

In the morning, my brother, BW and 2 other strong guys are arriving at 9. Bro and BW are coming in a 24' UHaul truck. They're going to load up almost everything in the house, except for things we need to live here for 2 more days. After we load up, it's off to Worcester for the unloading and initial setup.

All the boxes going tomorrow are staged in the living room upstairs (shown here) and the playroom downstairs

This house has an incredible amount of storage. These built-in pine shelves are in the playroom. The paneling in the room was milled from trees we cut down to clear the lot for the house.

We better not forget the few wine bottles in the cellar. We bought those bottle on a trip to Northern California with my parents 10 years ago. We don't drink much!

Skip and I will sleep in our new home on Tuesday night, just in time to see the Worcester fireworks. Apparently, we'll be able to see them from our condo. We're using Monday to do more prep both in Worcester and here so the place is a bit more settled when Skip and the pups roll into town.

Let the moving begin!

The Home Stretch

Hard to believe this, but in less than a week, we'll be living in our condo.

As anyone who has ever worked with me knows, I'm a last minute kind of gal. Very deadline-driven. In the case of moving, though, I've been working at it steadily since the house sold. I've had my friend BW helping me. For a few weeks, he came once a week, then twice a week, and now he's here 5 days a week. I'm so lucky to have him. He's the hardest worker I've ever had the pleasure to do this kind of project with. He comes at 8 and stays until 4 and hardly ever stops. He's independent and full of great ideas. My biggest challenge working with him is keeping a few steps ahead in the sorting process so I can have things ready for him to pack.

Up until today, we focused our sorting and packing efforts on things that wouldn't impact Skip's and my day-to-day living. Since I only have BW until Friday and our first moving day is Sunday, I figured I couldn't postpone packing up the kitchen, master bath bedroom any longer.

Up until now, I haven't felt much emotion going through the endless array of stuff needing to be handled. Sheepish at the sheer volume of it all. Confidence as we've steadily worked through it all, knowing we'd be ready in time for the move. A tinge of sadness at all the things I'm saying goodbye to - books I'll never have time to read again, records I'll never listen to again, clothes that no longer fit since I've regained so much of the 100 lbs I lost 10 years ago. Now that I'm packing up dishes and spices and food, emptying out the kitchen, it's really hitting me: very soon, this house will no longer be ours. The home of my youth, the house my parents built, the place where I really became a responsible adult (after we moved back here 23 years ago) ... soon that home will belong to a young family that can't wait to send their kids off to the town's wonderful school system. Funny that packing floss and deodorant and bandaids can be such a sad exercise.

I'm sure the last time I see this house, when I close the door behind me, I'll feel a deep sadness. But I know this move is the right one for us, so that sadness will be tempered by the happiness of moving into our new home, settling in there, and beginning to take advantage of all that Worcester will offer us.

Expiration Dates

When I was a kid, back in the Paleolithic Era, milk didn't last for very long before it went sour. My mother went grocery shopping once a week and milk didn't last that long, so a milkman delivered it during the week, too. Everyone had the milkman deliver when I was a kid.

I can't believe how long milk lasts now. At least a couple of weeks. Cream even longer, well over a month.

When something I'm looking forward to is coming up, I am always glad when the expiration date of the cream I buy occurs on or after that event. This was especially true of vacations. I'd always be excited to know vacation was so soon our cream would still be good when we headed out.

Earlier this week, I bought cream that'll expire after we've moved. That means we're really, really close.

Caregiver Aids #15: Panic Pendant

"Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!" That's how many of us were first introduced to panic pendants. Basically, it's a device that hangs around the user's neck (or is clipped somewhere convenient) that can be used to notify a monitoring service that you're in trouble.

The one we have today is pretty limited, with no ability to speak to a rep. All it does is alert the security folks that Skip needs help and contacts the police to come to our house. We've had it for about 3 years and she's never used it, fortunately.

The 5Star Responder



Moving, I figured we'd look at a more up to date device that, at a minimum, included the ability to converse with the call center. The Jitterbug folks, who market a cell phone that's easy for seniors to use, have just introduced the 5Star Urgent Responder. It's basically the size of a folding cell phone and works without a base station. It has a big button on it. You press the button to reach a rep or, if you press it for a long time, it'll call 911 directly. Because it comes installed with a GPS and isn't tethered to a base station, it's usable pretty much anywhere, not just inside our home. The gadget costs about $50 with an activation fee of $35 and a monthly service fee of $15. The monthly service fee is about half of what other services typically cost, though most of those services give you all the equipment without additional charge. We'll break even by paying for the equipment in about 6 months and, of course, we'll need this service for far longer than that.

Like a cell phone, this will need to be charged regularly. It goes for about 3 days without recharging. I can just charge this when I'm at home and make sure it's back with Skip before I go gallivanting off to do something outside, like take the dogs out to pee.

I'm thinking we'll give this one a try.

Best Chair Ever

Skip got a new wheelchair yesterday. She had a pretty cool one before, but this new one has every bell and whisle imaginable. It's a mid-wheel drive machine, so it has a tighter turning radius that her previous chair, which had rear wheel drive. It's got all sorts of power features, primarily designed to help the user change pressure points to head off development of pressure sores. It tilts. It reclines. The legs can be raised up. The best feature? You can raise the seat up a full 12". This will be great for Skip, especially in social settings, where she can be more at eye level when speaking to people who are standing. It's just completely cool.

At rest - cool body color, eh?

With the seat elevated

The seat fully reclined and the legs lifted



Caregiver Aids #14: Video Baby Monitor

Why didn't I think of this before?

Skip spends a lot of time in the bedroom. I am in there with her quite a bit, but am often elsewhere in the house or garage. And, now that I've started my new part-time job, I'm working downstairs (here and there) in the family room, so I can close the door and cut off the sound of dog barking while I'm on the phone. Basically, I'm often out of earshot. When Skip wants something, I hear mumble, mumble, mumble, occasionally catching a word or two. Sometimes she calls my cell phone. So, I have to go into the bedroom to find out what Skip needs. The call out for assistance (that I perceive as a "come here now" demand) followed by the need to perform the task, which I often view as trivial (but face it, Skip can't get it done without my assistance), can trigger crankiness. I'm wondering why this isn't listed as a cranky reason.

When I was still employed full-time, we briefly tried a walkie talkie to communicate between rooms. Unfortunately, Skip's hands don't work well enough to operate the buttons so the experiment was a failure. I resigned myself to being summoned by mumble, mumble, mumble for the years to come.

There's a jewelry store ad running on tv that uses a video baby monitor as a prop in the story. I knew there were audio baby monitors, which I assumed only communicated one-way, but never thought that there were video ones. I took a brief look on Amazon to find a huge array of video monitors, but didn't make a decision on which to purchase. Skip and I talked about how she could signal me by waving her hand so, even if I was on the phone, I'd know she needed me. Last night, we watched an episode of The Mentalist on the DVR and saw a baby video monitor used as a plot device. This time, I saw it included 2-way communication, which I didn't realize existed, but which makes sense if I'd thought about it.

So, today I ordered the setup above on Amazon. It's got all the features I'm interested in plus a few we'll never use. Interesting features: 2.8" video monitor, mute on my end, wireless connection up to 600', secure connection to protect privacy, 2-way communication. Unnecessary features that parents will like: infrared camera for night visibility, in-room temperature monitor and 5 pre-loaded lullabys. The info on Amazon said you can use the 2-way communication to sing or speak to your baby. I've already warned Skip she'll be hearing my singing soon! Best feature of all: it's returnable for up to 365 days, as Amazon has a special return deal for baby items. So, if it turns out not to meet our needs, we can return it and try a different one.

At the Pahk

Gary and Josie

G&J with the lovely Skip during the 10 minutes she wore this hoodie. Then she got too hot.



We went off to Fenway Park on Sunday to meet up with my brother, Josie and Gary to take in a Red Sox game. Some impressions from the day:

• We got up nice and early (can you say 6am?) as we had to be out of the house by noon.
• The weather turned out to be nicer than I'd expected. Neither Josie nor I ended up using the throws I brought.
• Skip got quite a sunburn on her face, arms, neck and upper chest. I got a minor one on the right side of my face only. Stylish!
• The tables at the right field roof box (under the Budweiser sign for those familiar with the Pahk) are great for visiting with friends but not so great for watching the game. That was okay with me, as my intentions were 75% socializing and 25% game watching.
• The Red Sox suck! Clay Bucholz gave up a home run in the first and we knew the game was over. Spotting the Orioles a 5-1 lead, the Sox did score a grand slam in the 4th (I think) to tie things up. We finally left at the start of the 13th inning and watched the Sox lose in the 17th when both teams had position players pitching since they'd used up all the pitchers.
• This was a chance to get to know Gary and Josie better and I enjoyed myself with them immensely. My brother and Gary spent time talking about tracking the game (Gary had a pad for scoring) ... adventures in geekland! Skip is shy meeting new folks but enjoyed herself as well.
• It was great having some time out with Skip. She doesn't get out much, mostly just for quick shopping trips and the like. We had time outside, time with new friends, a no-stress outing.

One last thought ... the Red Sox organization has been claiming a sold out streak of many years duration. Unless "sold out" means 90% of the seats in the park are sold, I think their claim is bunk. We saw whole rows in the upper bleachers completely vacant. Seemed to be more open in general than I recall from years past. I noticed the handicapped accessible seats down by the ball boy on the first base line that cost $250 each in 2004 were all vacant. I wonder when they finally admit the park isn't sold out?

Fun and Remembrance

Tomorrow, May 6th, I'm going to Fenway Park to see the Red Sox play the Orioles. By coincidence, it's also the second anniversary of my dad's death.

Skip and I are meeting up with my brother, Josie and Gary at Fenway. We're up on the right field roof box, a relatively new area in the park, with table seating and waitress service. This has become our go-to spot for Red Sox games. You're pretty far away from the game, but the setting is great for socializing.

We started going to games at Fenway, taking advantage of wheelchair seating, in 2004 (great timing, eh?). Turns out the park has a lot of excellent wheelchair seating and it's relatively easy to buy these tickets. For instance, we wanted to go to opening day 2005 to see the ring ceremony and the rest of the celebration for the Red Sox' win of the 2004 World Series. We got those tickets, first row of the bleachers, at face value by calling the Sox ticket office. When I met Gary at Foxwoods a while back, he mentioned he'd bought tickets, horrible last row of the bleachers tickets, for that game so he and his dad could take in the excitement and he paid a huge sum of money for them in the aftermarket. So far, this is one of the only silver linings I've found to Skip's wheelchair usage. (Other examples are handicapped parking and getting on the rides at Disney World by skipping ahead in line.)

This year, the Red Sox are heartily sucking and the weather is only going to hit the mid 60's tomorrow. However, I am sure we'll have a wonderful time because the company is going to be wonderful. I plan to laugh all day. Win or lose, it'll be a winner day for me on the Fens.

I only went to Fenway once with my dad. It was my first visit there, back in 1967. I did suggest taking him when he was in his late 70s or early 80s, but we never worked out the plan. It would have been fun. He was smart and observant and open to new experiences. I'd have enjoyed a chance to see the park and experience the game through his eyes, as he shared his observations.

My dad was an impressive guy. Good at everything he did, active in the town and our church and incredibly handy around the house. Difficult to be his daughter while I was growing up, especially as a teen and young adult. In my teens, especially, we tangled frequently. As I became increasingly responsible as an adult, his respect for me grew and it was wonderful to have him in my court as a source of support. In his last few years, I became a regular (twice a month, on average) visitor to my parents' house on the Cape to help pay the bills and (supposedly) balance the checkbook (at which I'm not very good). But, really, it was mostly about the visit.

A lot has changed since the old boy died. My mom tried out one assisted living place that wasn't a good fit, sold her house on the Cape and moved into another assisted living place that's working out beautifully for her. I got laid off. I took stock of what my life had been like pre-layoff, with all the demands of my job combined with all the demands of caregiving, and realized I never, never, never wanted to go back to that kind of life. I always had an endless to-do list, I was always behind and under stress. I felt some satisfaction from my job, but not enough to make it soul-satisfying.

If we were entering a new financial reality where we'd no longer enjoy a nice paycheck in exchange for that demanding job, our circumstances would have to align with that reality. Downsizing to a much less expensive home is a key part of aligning our lifestyle with our finances. So, soon we'll be saying goodbye to the first house my parents designed and built together. My dad betrayed a strong streak of sentimentality in his later years, so I'm sure he'd be sad to see this house leave our family, just as I will. But, he was a practical yankee and will applaud our hard-headed sensibility that sees us embarking on a new phase of life, in our new condo in Worcester.

And, now that I've made myself feel thoroughly sentimental, I shall sign off. Have a wonderful weekend, everybody!

Bought!

It was a long weekend, waiting for negotiations to wrap up on the condo we chose to buy, but it all came to a happy conclusion last night.

As I mentioned in my last post, we decided to take a road trip on Thursday so Skip could get inside our top two options and see them for herself. We first went to the loft in Worcester. She was able to get around as well as I expected. Those schoolroom hallways are WIDE. She was concerned about the lack of a private deck, the need for me to take stairs to take out the dogs (I found on this visit that it's only 6 stairs out, no need to take an elevator) and the lack of storage in the place. On the way into the building, we met a tenant who clearly loves the place and talked about how the patio out in front of the building gets a lot of use on warm and sunny weekend days.

On the way out, I asked the developer, who had let us in, if we'd be able to park pods in the parking lot when we moved in, if we bought there. I explained we'd be moving out of our home a few days before moving in so would have to briefly store our belongings in pods. He said if the tenants move out (he's been renting to tenants at will for a while) by June 30, we could move in before actually buying the place. This would save us a ton of dough for a hotel, for pod rentals and for extra moving effort!

Then we went on to the exurb where we were looking at the 55+ condo. Skip really liked the private deck, though didn't like that it was one story off the ground and thought that'd be an issue when Addy was out there with us ... she'd be trying to find a way off of it. She liked the size of the main living area, which is a bit bigger than in Worcester, and the amount of storage, especially since it has a full basement. She really didn't like the counters or appliances in the kitchen, though they don't bother me much ... just quite dull.

We chatted for a bit in the master bedroom about the two options. How should we proceed? Skip was clearly torn. She liked both places for different reasons. Then, I had a flash of inspiration. 55+ condos have sprung up all over the place, they're a dime a dozen. This loft is unique and we won't have many opportunities to get a place like it if we let it pass us by. That decided it. We chose the loft. If, as we age, we feel a suburban setting at a 55+ place makes more sense, we can always find something suitable and move into one then.

We are very excited! Now, if I could just get a home inspector to call me back so I can set up the inspection ...

Be Safe and Practical or Take a Chance and be Adventurous?

The house sale is moving on in an orderly fashion. The home inspection has occurred, the warts fully exposed. Fortunately, no warts are too scary for the buyers. The P&S is in draft mode and should be finalized today.

Our attentions have turned to buying our next home. I've gone on two tours of multiple properties with my realtors (two women that work in a team). We've focused our search on the following:

• condos, so a lot of the ongoing responsibilities for exterior and grounds maintenance is assumed by someone else
• properties that will accommodate Skip's wheelchair, with no stairs outside or in (except to get down to a basement, which she won't need to do), wider doorways (desirable but not a must-have). This has eliminated a huge number of condos that have multiple living levels. In fact, just about every non-55+ condo in our preferred area has been eliminated due to disabled needs.
• central Massachusetts, in and around Worcester. Property values are lower here than where we currently live, so we get more for our money. Also, it puts us closer to where my mom lives and the shops where I sell stuff.
• Two bedroom homes so I have an office.

Having seen about 10 places in person, we've narrowed our search down to two places that are very different. We are having a helluva time trying to decide which one to go with.

• Safe and Practical: This is a 1400 sq ft ranch-style attached condo in a 55+ community. Two bedrooms; the master is a bit larger than our current one, which I had hoped for. Two car garage, with 2 steps into the house from the garage, which can easily be replaced by a ramp. It's 9 years old, in impeccable condition. The bedrooms have wall to wall carpet that we'd replace with hardwood floors. The ramp and the flooring are the only mods I'd make. The community has a lot of green space, our unit is at the end of a long row of homes and would look out over lots of woods, has a deck on the back where Skip could look out at those woods and the critters living in them. Taking the dogs out would be a snap -- attach leashes and step out the front door. We met the husband of the couple that lives next door. He seems like a really nice guy. So what's wrong with it? Well, everyone in the community will be old! It's bringing out my ageist side. Also, the housing stock in the neighborhood is really beige and generic. Quite a change from our contemporary home.
• Adventurous: this is a 1450 sq ft condo in a converted schoolhouse in Worcester. The schoolhouse was built in the 1890s and converted to condos about 6 years ago. The unit has a lot of WOW factor. Huge 4' x 7' windows, 11' high ceilings, some features leftover from the schoolhouse days including exposed brick and a chalkboard. The bedrooms are the same size or a little bit smaller than our current one. Taking the dogs out will be a bit of a hassle -- taking an elevator and then half a flight of steps (these are mini-dachshunds who don't do stairs) out the back to the designated dog spot. There's designated parking in the lot but no garage. The unit is set up beautifully if we ever wanted to hire live-in help. There are 9 colleges in Worcester, providing a great supply of young people needing a place to live and I could see it being relatively easy to trade housing for labor. The two bedrooms are at opposite ends of the space, a good 30 or 40 feet away. The master bedroom, bathroom and study are all separated from the main part of the unit by a huge old schoolroom door. The kitchen/dining room/living room space is an excellent size. Storage isn't the best in the place, so we'd buy some wooden armoire/cabinets for that. The schoolhouse is located right off the "restaurant row" of Worcester, with tons of options for eating and takeout. The neighborhood is well-maintained.

In re-reading my write-up, the 55+ condo sounds like a better option, but the schoolhouse condo still calls to me. Why? The space is beautiful. I like the lack of cookie-cutter sameness. It is definitely unique. I like city living. I was living in Boston when Skip and I met and we lived in Boston and a few surrounding cities until my parents made us an offer we couldn't refuse to move out to the suburbs to our current home, the house I grew up in. When visiting Boston for meals out or to attend theater or sporting events, we've often commented how we'd love to move back. To me, a city is more lively and is walkable. You don't need to get into your car for everything, even the simplest errand. I'm not sure we'll really have a more walkable setting in Worcester, but it's certainly more walkable than the 55+ community out in the exurbs. I just checked the walkability scores on Zillow. Our current home is an 11 - car dependent. The Worcester location is a 60 and the exurb is a 9.

We've decided to go back to our two favorites one more time tomorrow afternoon (well, honestly, Skip hasn't seen inside them, only done drivebys, so this'll be her first view of the interior). Following that, we're going to settle on one, even if it's by eenie-meenie-miny-mo, and make an offer. Either place will be a lovely next stop for the 2 humans and 2 dogs that comprise our immediate family.

Wish us luck tomorrow -- that we can happily settle on one or the other.

Sold!

Well, I haven't signed the P&S yet, but, for all intents and purposes, the house is sold!

Yesterday's open house was from 1-3. When we pulled out of the driveway at 12:45, there was a car parked on the street waiting for the open house, and another pulled onto our street as we were chatting with the realtor for a minute before leaving the neighborhood. Both those early birds made offers, along with 2 other couples.

In total, there were about 20 people/families who came by to see the house. A number of them didn't like the layout of the bedrooms for their kids, since there are 2 bedrooms upstairs and 2 downstairs. But the ones who did like it, as the realtors told us, were just in love with the place. With the beautiful wood, the contemporary design, the wonderful natural setting of the lot, the cul de sac street and our McMansion neighbors.

So, I guess I don't have to worry about how we're going to handle viewings, with all the challenges for Skip to get out of the house, because there won't be any. And, I don't have to worry about the process dragging on for months, because it only took 4 days to sell the place. We will have a July closing, so I don't have to worry too much about finding our next home, but it does need to move to the front burner.

Yesterday, Skip and I drove around Worcester, a mid-sized city in central Massachusetts, doing drivebys of about 6 condos we're interested in. I even got to go inside one 55+ condo townhouse because the next door neighbor offered to show us around. Right now, we can't decide if we want a 55+ condo built within the last few years (surrounded by green space, but very "beige"), a loft in a reclaimed mill (truly mid-city, a setting we haven't been in for over 25 years) or a regular condo beside water (will this place really be accessible without major work?). I'm going on a field trip with one of our realtors (they work in a pair) on Wednesday to actually look at some of these places and see if I fall in love with any of them.

Open House Today

Skip, the girls and I are heading out of here at 12:30 to make way for our first open house. I'm hoping it's an active time for the realtors. If the action around our house the last few days is any indicator, I suspect a lot of visitors will tramp through the house.

On Friday, when I was out of the house, someone knocked on the door. MW answered, and a stranger stood there, saying he was looking to buy a house in our town. He asked about exits and handicapped accessibility. MW directed him to today's open house and he went on his way. Yesterday morning, we saw people out on the street peering through the trees at the house. Then in the late afternoon, someone drove up the driveway and quickly turned around and left.

I try to be realistic and recognize that waiting for your house to sell is typically a waiting game, requiring a good amount of patience, something I don't possess in abundance. So, I alternate between talking myself into a patient state and then bouncing back into a happy, hopeful state -- that we've priced the place attractively and get an offer right away.

Can't wait to hear the feedback from the realtors later this afternoon!

It's a Go!

Today, our house goes on the market. We have an open house scheduled for this Sunday.

We live in a community west of Boston. When my parents moved here in !958, it was quite rural. Now, it's a very, very expensive town without many open spaces for building left. I just did a search on MLS (real estate listing service) and there are about 150 single family homes for sale in our town. Forty of them are listed at $1 million plus! The most expensive place is offered at over $3 million. You have to get about two-thirds of the way through the list to get to houses in our price range. Sadly, a house lot is listed for about the same price as our house!

There's a lot of houses now that are bought and torn down and replaced with the biggest McMansion the lot can support. Many homes here in town are split levels at about 1500 square feet, similar to the first place my parents bought here 50+ years ago. These are instant tear-downs. So, some neighborhoods are now a patchwork of brand-new monsters surrounded by half-century old homes in a bit of disrepair. After all, why bother to do any work on your house if you know the minute it's turned over, it's plowed under?

Fortunately, our house does not fall into the tear-down category. It's a unique house, architect designed. Also, it's a contemporary. I checked the MLS listings. Right now, it's the only contemporary in town on the market. Every other house is a colonial. Our realtors tell us that contemporaries are "destination" houses. They attract their own pool of buyers. So, we've got some good things going for us. In addition to the contemporary design, the most important feature is that we're "reasonably" priced in a town where home prices are typically stratopheric.

So, here's hoping someone falls in love with our house soon. It's exciting to finally be in the market.

Below are some pics ... We've got the place pretty spruced up. I don't know why I didn't take any pictures of the front of the house, but here are a few to show off how cleaned up and cleared out we are. The first 4 are different views of the living room. The fireplace is made from an old stone wall in town. The screen in the fourth picture separates the living room from the foyer. The patio is all cleaned up and the bridge for Skip's wheelchair between garage and house is newly stained. The yard, while it doesn't have much grass, is all cleaned up and the fence has been stained. The dining room abuts the living room and the fireplace is open to it as well as the living room.



25 Random Things

If you're a Facebook user, you may recall a lot of your friends in 2009 posted lists of "25 random things" about themselves as a Facebook note. A friend of mine, Gary, recently posted his list from that era and suggested others do the same. I think this is a great idea and I'd love to read others' lists if they're up for posting them.

I dug mine up and post it here. Of course I would, as it states in #1, I'm my own favorite subject, so I'm happy for the option to share this stuff about me. In rereading the list, I see that a lot has changed in the 3 years since I wrote this. My Dad and my favorite dog ever, Sally, have both died. Sally just over 2 years ago. My Dad in May of 2010. I no longer have a job (yay!).

Without further ado, my 2009 25 random things ....

1. I am my own favorite subject (so this kind of exercise is really fun!).
2. Because of #1, I often share too much information about my personal life to those I know only professionally or as casual acquaintances.
3. In my best moments, I wonder how Skip (my wife) has been able to put up with me for almost 28 years.
4. Even at 52, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. By this, I mean I have never found a job that aligned with the things I’m passionate about. And, I also have trouble figuring out my passions.
5. I have an excellent vocabulary and love to use it to good effect. While I think this provides greater clarity in my speaking and writing, I suspect it often has the opposite effect, as the words I use are not always understood by my audience.
6. At times, I try to focus on what’s really important, such as the love of others and loving them in return. But, it’s really, really easy for me to get mired in the crap of daily life and forget how privileged I actually am.
7. My parents never thought I’d graduate from high school. I flunked 5 of my 6 classes freshman year (passed algebra with a D-). After I got suspended 7 times in my sophomore year for cutting classes, my parents sent me to private school. For some reason, I excelled there and managed to graduate when I was 16.
8. I live in the house I grew up in. For the first 10 years we lived here, that was totally intimidating to me, as my parents were frequent visitors and I worried what they thought of how we maintained it. I eventually grew out of that mindset and now mentally “own” it. We’ve now been here 20 years.
9. We have two dogs, piebald mini dachshunds. I always related to dogs as dogs, not pseudo-people. However, all that has changed with one of them, Sally, about whom I am absolutely besotted.
10. 2008 was the worst year of my life. Too many bad things happened to me and those around me; worst of all were my reactions to those occurrences. I look forward to the return of my resiliency in 2009.
11. Sad to say but my musical tastes pretty much calcified when I was in college.
12. I have huge respect for my dad, who is a real renaissance man. Now in his 80’s, with significant health issues, my respect continues to grow as I see how he grapples with those issues.
13. Speaking of health issues, I am continuously impressed with how Skip deals with her MS. She’s had it for over 20 years and it has robbed her of so much, yet she manages a positive outlook most of the time. In her shoes, I suspect I’d not deal with it with such grace.
14. I’ll read just about anything I can get my hands on.
15. My parents didn’t own a TV from the time I was 8 or 9 until I was in college. I think this helped me develop the love of reading that I have to this day.
16. I am at my best in the early morning. It’s strictly downhill from there.
17. My ears have been ringing for 30 years and my hearing, left ear especially, is not so great. Ironically, the cable box in the bedroom makes a low hum that I can hear and find quite annoying while Skip can’t hear it.
18. I have passed out from the violence in two movies, and almost passed out from a third. They are Le Chien Andelou, The Piano and the almost was Catch-22. I have a reputation for squeamishness about movies that is not entirely deserved as one of my favorite movies is Fargo, which has a lot of violence. However, I am very careful about screening movies for this before viewing them and find it’s best to watch a questionable movie at home, so I can easily stop it.
19. I am fortunate to have a job where I can work from home. To date, the most extreme thing that’s happened while I’ve been working at home was the time Skip fell out of her wheelchair and turned her ankle 180 degrees, breaking it in 3 places. When she called out to me for help, I was on a conference call that I was facilitating. Through instant messaging, I got a colleague to carry on and went to help Skip. When I got back on, no one knew I’d been away.
20. My mother thinks I’m too conservative.
21. I am a huge Red Sox fan, but perhaps don’t have the right temperament for baseball fandom. Even a good season usually has about 60 or 70 losses and each one is hard for me to take.
22. I have been fat since I was 5 or 6. I figure it’s in my genes. My mother’s father weighed 400 pounds and I’m distantly related to America’s fattest president. Lots of other fat folks in my family tree.
23. Starting in my teens, I developed the perspective that my size wasn’t a problem, instead it was society’s reaction to it that was a problem. My mantra: being fat isn’t inherently unhealthy, you can be fat and lead a healthy lifestyle. In my early 40s I had an epiphany: I was eating unhealthfully, my weight was creeping up year after year and decided I’d better shape up or I’d start feeling the effects on my health. Lost 98 pounds. Put a good portion of it back on in the last 6 years, but still working on the healthy lifestyle.
24. My favorite personality type to work with? Curmudgeons. You always know where you stand with them.
25. I’m a true child of the 1960s; I still have problems dealing with authority figures or being told what to do.

New Cranky Reason #4: It Never Ends

I'll tell you what makes me cranky pretty much every day. The caregiving never ends. Never is there a point where I do something in caring for Skip and I say to myself, "well, that's done then."

And the demands have increased over time and will increase as the years go by. Unlike kids, who grow up and become independent (yeah, yeah I know they're always your kids, but the active care for them day in day out ends in the vast majority of cases).

It's important for me to get breaks from the demands of caregiving. Without them, my ability to approach caregiving in good humor diminishes to almost nothing.

Out and About With Skip

For those of you who don't live in New England, you may not be aware that we're having the freakiest week of March weather ever in these parts. Continuing the trend of mild weather we had all winter, March has been very warm, with temps in the 70s on Wednesday. Thursday is forecast to hit the mid 80s, over 10 degrees above the previous record high.

Skip and I had to take advantage of this weather, and get her out and about. Sadly, she has not been out with me in the car since dinner with friends on January 12th, the night before her flap surgery. The other day, she made a foray out onto the patio for a bit of fresh air and sun. Besides that, she's been truly housebound this winter.

We had planned to take in a movie, but there really wasn't one thing showing at nearby theaters that interested us. So, a late lunch out at Legal Seafoods was followed by a drive around to two 55+ condo communities that I wanted to see.

Legal Seafoods is a chain that started as a fish market then single restaurant in Cambridge, Mass about 50 years ago. Now, they're a chain that, I believe, has locations up and down the eastern seaboard. It's our favorite place for fish and Skip was hankering for one of their lobster rolls. We got there around 3. Our waiter greeted us warmly. He's seen us every few months for a meal there for years and years. Skip got her lobster roll and I decided to try a crab roll. I'm too embarrassed to list all the sides we had. Suffice it say it was a feast!

Eating out at off hours is good for us. Skip's hands are so weak now that, even with her specially adapted silverware, she can really struggle eating. What often happens is she'll start off eating on her own but as the meal progresses that becomes harder and harder as her hand gets weaker. I eat faster than she does, so when I'm done with my own meal, I take over and feed her. A quiet restaurant with only a few other patrons is a much easier setting for Skip as she's embarrassed by having someone else feed her. I say, screw it, don't worry about the other folks, but of course I have no idea how I'd feel were I the one in her shoes.

After rolling out of Legal's, we went off to scout out two condo communities that are limited to 55+ and have units for sale in our price range. The first consists of 150 2-story townhouses that are built out in little clusters of 8-10 units per street. In the listings online, they show a second story, but the units only have a very large loft room there, both bedrooms are located on the first floor. This community is appealing because it's in our preferred area and the housing stock consists of townhouses, but all the units are larger than I'd like - in the 1700-1800 sq ft range. I am more interested in 1100-1200 sq ft. At that size, though, the units you find are typically more like apartments in mid-rise buildings. Which, coincidentally, was the configuration of the other condo community we drove by.

Driving through the first community, I tried not to sing "Little Boxes," by Malvina Reynolds. The chorus goes something like, "Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky, little boxes made of ticky tacky and they all look just the same ...." All the houses were all tan, some had two garages, some had one. Some had walk out basements if they were built on a slope, some did not. But, they all looked virtually the same. I could live with that, though I'd prefer a bit of individuality. What surprised me a bit was that each entry had 2 steps up to a small landing and then a step up from there into the house. Aren't these places built for old folks with limited mobility? It makes me wonder if there are steps from the garage into the house. And, is a single car garage wide enough for us to lower the ramp out the side in The Toaster and for Skip to wheel in and out of the car? These and other questions will be answered when my realtors and I go for a tour of some units there

We then drove over to the other community, which has a couple of units available now at the bottom of our price rangeThis place is a recently built 3 story building with about 20 units. It looked nice, with a low row of garages across the street from it. Behind the building looks treed, and there's water in the name of the place, so maybe there are walking trails by a river there. It's surrounded by townhomes that I expect are also 55+ but are probably outside of our price range. Also, they looked to have the bedrooms on the second floor, which is clearly an impossible setup for us. Also in this complex, there's an "Inn." Inn is a euphemism for an assisted living place with an Alzheimer's unit attached. I was offended that they couldn't be more honest in their naming.

As I drove home, I mused over the possibility of staying in our current home. That says to me neither community, from the outside, knocked my socks off. I really hope those little houses on the hillside knock them off when I get to see their insides.

One other thing I was musing about on the drive home. The weather felt like early summer, but it's just the second day of spring and there isn't a leaf on a tree anywhere. It's a very strange combination to have: this wonderful balmy weather without the usual green leafy trees and bright green yards everywhere.

I'm glad Skip and I got to spend time out together. Great meal. Good data gathering. It's nice to see her getting back to a bit of normalcy. Now, if only a good movie hits the big screen, we can head out to a weekday matinee.

Twofer: A Hooker Story and a Stripper Story

The poker blogs I read have been writing stories over the last few weeks about hookers and strippers. I didn't think I had any stories that would fit these categories, but, while reading a post from Very Josie, I remembered a couple anecdotes that would fit right into these two themes.

Hooker Story
In my freshman year at Simmons College in Boston in 1973, some friends and I went together to see Aretha Franklin at the Boston Garden. They were coming into town via the subway, and we agreed to meet in front of the only landmark I was sure they'd be able to find -- Madame Tussaud's wax museum, across from the Boston Common -- as we'd gone there together a few years prior.

I got to the meeting place before my friends. I'd guess it was around 6:30 or 7, and it was early winter, so already dark. I was dressed in my usual attire: flannel shirt, jeans, boots and a plaid wool shirt for warmth. No makeup. Long hair tied back in a ponytail. After standing in front of Madame Tussaud's for a while, I realized that the other folks lingering there were, shall we say, ladies of the evening and their clientele. Accidentally, I caught the eye of an older fellow, who raised his eyebrows and gestured with his head as if to say, "come with me." Sheesh! I figured that a tall, fat female dressed like I was (I was straight-identified at the time, but still dressed mannishly) would never be taken for a prostitute, but I was wrong! I moved away from this guy, staying as close to the street as possible, but still in the area for when my friends arrived. After some more loitering, this same guy came over to me, grabbed my arm and said "c'mon, let's go!" After some resistance, he finally got the message and left me alone. I'm sure he was greatly disappointed! .

Soon thereafter, my friends showed up and I was rescued from any further unwelcome advances. We had a good laugh as we headed over to the Garden for the show. The seats sucked but the show was great. Gotta love Aretha.

Stripper Story
This story actually happened to Skip, but it's a goodie worth retelling. In her late 20s, Skip was still healthy and worked as the bar manager at a Japanese restaurant on the waterfront in Boston. We lived in Boston's South End. Sometimes I'd go pick her up after the restaurant closed but other times she'd get a ride from the restaurant manager, a gay guy she was good friends with.

One evening, Jim the manager and she decided to go to a strip club called the Naked I in the Combat Zone, which used to be where Boston's strip clubs were located. The Zone doesn't exist anymore, largely because land values got too high downtown to waste the property with some sleazy bars, brothels, XXX theaters and XXX-rated bookstores. They went to this club because the bartender was an old friend of Jim's. Skip was always ready for an evening out back in the day.

Skip decided she'd buy a drink for one of the strippers, a woman named Misty. Skip wanted to know why Misty had become a stripper. Her answer has faded into the "mists" of time ... this was over 25 years ago ... but they chatted for a bit and then Misty went back to her performing.

Some days later, Skip and Jim went back to the Naked I again. When they arrived, Misty was up on stage doing her thing. Bent over, looking back at the crowd between her spread legs, she saw Skip come in, she waved and shouted out, "Hello, Skip!" Now there's a memorable greeting!

And now, we shall return this blog to its regularly scheduled programming.

It's Almost a Reality

Yep, the house is getting there. Having secured the services of a handyman/painter combo, the handyman projects and painting work is about 80% complete and should wrap this week. My brother and his sidekick completed their project today, building a custom window well cover. It's a thing of beauty! Another friend of my brother's, who's worked with us on cleaning out storage units, has been doing a bunch of odd jobs (like cleaning and organizing the garage, cleaning off the roof and gutters) and he should be done with my to do list for him within 7-10 days. I've still got some work getting things to look a little less cluttered and more organized, but I'd say that's about 75% done. So, you know what that means?!? We're going to list the house before month's end. When I stop and really think about what that means, it's sad, freeing, scary and exciting all at once.

It's sad because this house has been around in the family for virtually my whole life. When I was 7, I came to this houselot with my parents, brother and sister virtually every weekend for months (I think it was that long) and cut down the trees where the house was eventually built. My father wielded the chain saw. When the tree was felled, it was our job to cut off the branches with axes. My dad would cut the logs down to fireplace size. We'd stack up the cordwood in rows between two trees; we had dozens of these log stacks all around the property.

My parents worked with an architect to design the house and, let me tell you, the place is unique. It's a contemporary in the land of colonials. It's built so you enter on the top floor and have to walk downstairs to get to the other floor. This design was used so my parents could live here even as they aged and were less mobile. We moved in in 1964 when I was 7 or 8. Other than boarding school and college, I lived here until 1977. Skip and I moved back here 23 years ago when my parents retired to a house my dad built on Cape Cod. A house that's remarkably like this one in many ways.

So, it'll be a loss to say goodbye to this house when we move out. I hope the next owners appreciate it and learn to love it. I'll have to leave them some information about it, like how the pine paneling in the downstairs playroom/rec room is from some of the logs we cut down to build the house.

It'll be freeing because, in some ways, owning the house was a burdensome responsibility. Let's be honest here, I'm not handy and don't really want to be. Home projects are not my cup of tea. I never yearned to update the kitchen or knock down a wall. In my free time, I don't want to oil a doorsill or paint a room or any of that jazz. We took over this house from the handiest man on earth and I always felt I came up short on the home stewardship front.

If we move to a condo, the exterior of the place is someone else's responsibility. We'll share the cost of maintenance in our monthly fees, but we won't have to do the work.

It's scary because it's a huge change. And, we have some special needs with Skip's disability that limit our housing options. Will we be able to find someplace that meets those needs? We're planning on moving into an "active adult" community. We'll probably be the youngest folks there and, I'll betcha, we'll be the only lesbians. Will we be able to find a place that's the right mix of price, location, accessibility and community that we hope for? Will the dogs be good neighbors or will Addy bark at every sound and person and leaf that blows as she does today, making our neighbors hate her and us?

Exciting is the flipside of scary. All this change has the potential to work out bringing wonderful new possibilities to our lives. Expenses will go down, making it easier for me to focus on caregiving and not trying to cram in a full time job. We'll have neighbors nearby, and it will open up possibilities to make new friends. In a home configured with a more open floorplan than we have today, Skip will have easier access to the whole house. And, it'll just be new and different. A shakeup will be welcome.

So, with all that said, let's get this puppy on the market and see what happens. I think I'm ready!

Foxwoods With Friends

Gary, Josie and me

Yesterday, I had a great day. Met in real life some friends I'd made through blogging. And, I liked them even more in person than online (or at least as much). Won money. Got a break from caregiving and was comfortable knowing that Skip was in the capable hands of the intrepid MW. And, I got to test my new glasses while driving at night.

Josie and Gary - It was only the second time I've ever met anyone in person who'd become a friend through blogging. As I drove down to Foxwoods to meet Very Josie and the Crafty Southpaw (Gary) for some poker, I found myself wondering if we'd like each other in person as much as online. I hoped I wouldn't suck too much at poker, since I have rarely played over the last few years and wasn't the greatest even when playing regularly. And, overall, I found myself being excited at the prospect of meeting new people.

Josie is smart, funny and has a great table persona. Gary is smart, too, and had me laughing all afternoon. I guess Josie liked me because she called me a biatch and, at various times while playing poker, said we were fighting. Gary was very intent when playing a hand and I finally figured out I should stop jabbering when he was doing battle.

Let me just say right here that Josie and Gary are much better players than me. (I'm sure they already know this but were too polite to say it to my face.) I've read a jillion books (okay 15-20) about holdem and Omaha and played tens of thousands of hands online, but truth be told, I just never really had the feel for the game that folks like Josie and Gary do.

Poker - Unlike my last visit to Foxwoods, I had almost no quality starting hands yesterday. A few hours into the day, I had KK but completely misplayed it preflop (as in, I didn't raise out of the big blind and so 5 of us saw the flop) and ended up folding on the turn when the board just got too scary and I knew KK unimproved was no good. My last hand of the day was 99. I had a few suited Aces with crappy kickers. But I managed to make do with hands like 79s, K8c and the like. After starting out losing, I finished up winning a bit over $400 at poker.

Craps - After some dinner together, Josie and Gary headed out. I went into the land of the smoky casino to find an open craps table. If you've never played craps, suffice it to say it's a good way to win or lose money quickly. At a hot table, you can rack up the dough with lightning speed. A couple of cold rolls, and it all slides back to the house. The first table I tried was choppy. Some up, some down rolls. I had the worst roll of the night -- crapping out instantly after setting the point. I stuck with the table for a bit, but each short roll was slowly but surely cutting into the day's winnings.

I picked up my remaining chips with the thought of cashing out and heading home. But, decided I'd try one more table. Went past a few that were too full to get a spot at; the third I came to had some room in the corner nearest one of the dealers. The dice were with a shooter on the other side of the table and he was doing fairly well -- he won us all some dough. After he sevened out, the next shooter did okay, and the trend continued for half a dozen shooters. No great rolls, but all solid, money-making ones. Suddenly, my down $200 at craps was up over $500 and, when the dice came around to me, I passed the option, picked up my chips and happily made my way to the cashier. Time to head home.

I've been wearing my new glasses for about a week. After 10 years wearing only reading glasses, I wasn't happy to find that I needed them full-time. I've had a lot of problems with the middle and reading portions of the progressive lenses. Driving last night, their real value was "driven" home to me -- I saw better at night than I had in years!

Getting home at 11:30, the dogs came out from the bedroom to greet me. Heading into the bedroom, a drowsy Skip greeted me warmly, happy to have me home. I set the clocks ahead and went to bed.

So, Gary and Josie - I'm open every weekend in April (how sad is that!). Just say the word and I'll see you there!

I Got Carded and Other Recent Activities

The last time anyone asked me for ID to prove my age was in my early 30s and a waitress asked to see my license before she'd serve me a beer. I was quite happy to show her how old I was and she seemed a bit sheepish when she realized I was many years past 21. Wednesday, I went with my two realtors to a 55+ condo community to look at some units. The realtor from the listing side didn't believe I was 55 and insisted I show him my license before we started looking around. He was very surprised that I actually was 55. That was fun! Unfortunately, they allow only one pet per unit, so we won't be looking at that development anymore.

It was good to get a view at what 1100 square feet looks like. Oh man, I've got a lot more clean out to do in the garage. The kitchens in those units didn't have much storage, so if we move into a similar kind of space, we'll have a lot more purging to do. For example, we have a few hundred cookbooks that fill one entire set of shelves in the kitchen. Those'll mostly have to go. Of course, I don't really use cookbooks; they are all either from my mother (who left them behind when moving out 23 years ago) or from Skip, who used to be a chef and continued to buy cookbooks for years, even after she'd stopped cooking.

On Tuesday, I went to 3 storage auctions. Bid on a number of units but wasn't willing to go as high on each as other bidders, often by a significant margin. The first auction had 40 attendees and 5 units available. I'd say the crowds were of similar size for the other two and, coincidentally, there were 5 units at each of those as well. The last unit I bid on was the one I wanted most. It was mostly filled with older, wooden furniture. Hanging from pegs on the ceiling were 7 chairs for the kitchen or dining room. Smack dab in the center was a treadle sewing machine. I still have the treadle machine we got last summer at an auction although it was on Craigslist for months and is now in the furniture booth we have in central Mass, so was a bit concerned about the ability to move this one. I figured $300 would be a good price for the unit. The other bidder countered me on every bid and I finally gave up at $500. I couldn't rationalize that I'd make even that on the furniture and I would have other costs as well, including the effort of the guys who'd clear out the heavy stuff.

Ideally, to determine my max bid, I estimate the value of everything I can see and divide it in half. That mode doesn't work very well when most things are in boxes or the unit is very deep and you can only see a small fraction of the stuff. Then, you have to get clues from the way things are packed and cared for and the type of stuff you can see. I am tired of going to auctions and getting nothing, though. Sooner or later, I'm just going to go for the gusto and buy something even if I think it's overpriced.

On Thursday, I got a handyman over to give me a quote on the bits and pieces of work that needs to be done. He brought along a colleague who paints. Their prices were excellent! The repairs and painting begin on Sunday. They're going to paint all of downstairs, the upstairs bathroom, 2 exterior doors, 2 garage door and stain the low fence that surrounds the yard. Whoopee! All the repair and paint work should be completed by mid-week.

On that same Thursday, my brother and the two guys who helped with my mother's move came over to do a variety of projects. They took the entertainment center, a glass front cabinet and a grandfather's clock along with a bunch of boxes over to storage. This really cleared up a lot of space in the living room and dining room, so they look bigger. While my brother and one of the guys worked on building a window well cover, BW (who is a really really hard worker) took it upon himself to organize and clean up the garage. That night, for the first time in 9 months, I pulled The Toaster (aka the Honda Element) into the garage!

Shortly, I'll be leaving the house for a day trip back to Foxwoods. Had so much fun 3 weeks ago, I've decided to go back. And, to make the trip more interesting and fun, I'll be meeting up with 2 folks I've met through blogging, Very Josie and the Crafty Southpaw (both their blogs are on my blogroll to the right).

One final note: I had to put word verification back on because I was getting a ton of spam comments. I figured word verification was the lesser of two evils; the other being not allowing anonymous comments.