Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Cranky Reason #6: This Shouldn't Be Happening

Cranky Reason #: Denying reality. I like to say I'm "reality-based," but, in reality, that's more of a goal than fact. Because if I was truly reality-based, I wouldn't get so cranky when something happens to Skip that I wish had never occurred. The other day, Skip went through a series of being unable to right herself when bending over. So, about 6 times over the course of an hour while I was working, she called out for me to come and sit her up. I just felt so crabby about this ... if she just stopped bending over, this wouldn't be happening! Back in the days when she was semi-mobile, she fell with regularity, sometimes in situations that, in my opinion, were totally avoidable. Then I'd get cranky. I have a few particularly unpretty memories of yelling at Skip while she was lying on the floor, post-fall. I had to make sure and express my crankiness before helping her up.

De-cranky strategy: Honestly, I think this is a case of me trying to impose my able-bodied reality on Skip's situation. Things are different for her than me. So, maybe if I try to be a bit empathetic (not a strong suit for me), I can remember that how we got here is less important than just fixing the problem. Trying to think through different strategies to avoid the problem are best done in a less charged atmosphere after everything is set to right and I'm not approaching the issue with such aggravation.


steve said...

I liken it to watching my partner "grow down". How many times does a baby fall while learning to walk? They are just easier to pick up.

Cranky said...

Interesting way to look at it. So, they may very well be trying to do things based on capabilities when they were more able, so it's working with an older reality for them, too. Thanks for the note.

steve said...

Exactly. They are either going to push their receding limits and fail from time to time, or risk giving up on things they can still do for themselves. Both situations make for additional caregiver responsibilities.